Loneliness
by OMG-randomness-rules
Summary: I didn't know what was going to happen, I swear!" A fist collided with my face "You know better than to lie to me Isabella!". My back collided with the wall. There was nowhere to go. I was alone. With Phil. ExB Bella's in a talent show with Cullens...
1. Preface

WARNING: THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS BOTH GRAPHIC RAPE AND ABUSE.

Disclaimer – I do not nor ever will own twilight

Summary: Bella is poor and lives with her step-father, Phil and her mother Reneé. Bella is abused by Phil and Reneé doesn't notice because she does drugs. Bella likes to write songs to express her feelings and one day when a talent competition comes to Birmingham (near where she lives) she takes a chance and auditions. A fellow auditioneé is Edward Cullen and his family – a dance group called Sugar lovin'.

This is Bella's Story

Loneliness

Preface

Everything around me was black. I wasn't alarmed- I like the blackness, it's safe there, comforting. I realised then that I was going to wake up- I always did, if I wasn't going to wake up I wouldn't see the blackness. And sure enough the sounds of my wonderful home filled my ears.

"Where are You Bitch?! It's 5.30! Why isn't my dinner ready?!"

Crap. 5.30. That meant I'd missed a whole day of school. _And _I hadn't woken in time to make dinner. Crap again.

I slowly opened my eyes and took in my surroundings. Nothing unusual, it seemed that I had passed out again yesterday in the livingroom when Phil- No I wouldn't think about that. It was better if I didn't. I slowly stood up and managed not to wince as the pain in my legs and chest got to me. I took a deep breath and just as I was about make a move for the door Phil walked in.

I held my breath and froze.

"Hello Bella"

I didn't react. I wouldn't – nothing he did would make me react, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

After a few seconds he realised I wasn't going to answer and slowly walked towards me. I still didn't react. He looked at me and slowly, very slowly raised his hand.

"It's disrespectful not to answer your elders"

And then I was on the floor, my head throbbing.

"So, Bitch, why is my dinner not on the table?"

Nothing.

"Answer me!"

Another slap, and a sharp kick to the ribs.

Still no reply.

"You Fucking Cow"

He'd lost it now, and I looked into his eyes for that one brief second before he began his onslaught of physical atacks. And what I saw scared me more than anything else.

He was a monster.

He didn't care.

No-one could save me.

And I felt one thing.

Loneliness.


	2. Midnight Wonders and daylight musings

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight- Stephanie Meyer does

Midnight wonders and Daylight musings

"_Your not safe any more. Not even in your dreams Isabella. Wherever you are I'll find you, because no-one cares. And no-one ever will"_

_I saw Phil take a step towards me and for a second I thought I could do it, I thought I could escape._

"_You know why? Because you're an ugly worthless whore! HA! And you'll never change that! Wherever you are, whoever your with you'll still be the same! And I'll find you and mercifully end your pitiful excuse of a life"_

_He was right. I was… I was… words couldn't describe how worthless I was. I should be worshipping cockroaches._

_I was about to give up, and go with him, when I realised where we were._

"_No. Not here"_

_He laughed._

_We were in the livingroom- not as it was now, but way back, before any of this happened, and Reneé was there- completely and utterly oblivious- High out of her mind. And The drab grey walls seemed to be closing in on me._

_In that moment, I was overcome with emotions._

_I looked at Phil and realised, that there was something glistening in his hand, a knife. I tried to scream._

_But I was too late, I couldn't scream the walls were to close._

_He advanced slowly laughing all the time. And just when he was close enough to reach out and touch me he whispered into my ear "All alone little whore"_

I woke up screaming. I was covered in sweat and the small patch of floor I called a bed seemed oddly uncomfortable- even more so than normal. Then I realised that someone – Phil- had put something in my patch. I pulled it out. How odd. A torch. I flicked the switch.

It worked.

At first the bright light was a shock to my eyes- so used to the dark. Slowly they adjusted and I could see what was around me properly for once.

My room was small. Very small. I had my 'bed' and then a small pile of clothes and that was it. I got up and walked out into the hall the smell of pot was coming from the living room and so I chose to instead enter the kitchen.

It was also small but I wasn't in here to eat. I shone the torch around and took in how everything had changed.

_My five-year old self skipped happily into the kitchen and sat down on one of the chairs._

"_Mommy, who was that man I met today?"_

"_That's Phil, honey, he and I like each other in a mommy and daddy way, and I wanted to know if you liked him"_

"_He seems very nice mommy."_

"_Yes, He is"_

"_Are you and Phil going to get married?"_

_Reneé blushed._

"_I'm not sure love. It's a bit soon for that"_

"_Okey-dokey. Can we make cookies?"_

"_Sure, but you'll have to remind me to buy some more chocolate chips tomorrow"_

"_yay!"_

So different.

The walls had changed from their cheerful yellow to a stained and fading old cream colour. The floors no longer shone with sparkle or brightened up the room, and most of the chairs were missing legs. Not to mention the fact that the only person who ever worked in here nowadays was me.

It had been years since anything was that nice.

Twelve to be precise.

I smiled slightly at myself. I wished Reneé would blush like that these days. Instead the only thing she was worried about was when she got her next fix.

I shone the torch at the clock which had hung on the wall for almost 15 years in itself. Midnight.

If I could I would of laughed. How Ironic.

That I, the monster should be the one woken at midnight- when in truth it should be the princess.

I wondered slightly at who that would be. Probably Tanya- she of course was the most popular girl in the school, or maybe Jessica the brunnette who was better than everyone else.

I sighed and shook my head slightly.

I allowed myself to wonder then.

I let myself do something I hadn't in a long time.

I wondered what it would be like to be normal.

To be the princess not the monster, and to wake up every day and be able to have breakfast in my big house, to drive to school in my red truck, to have lunch with my friends. I wondered a lot.

I woke up to an annoying beeping sound.

I quickly shut off the alarm clock which was causing the sound – I didn't want Phil or Reneé to know I'd used their drug money for an alarm clock.

I quickly stood. Too quickly. I felt the new scabs on my back crack open- Phil hadn't taken kindly to me being up and around at midnight unless I was doing something for him. And so he gave me something to do.

I shuddered.

Slower, now that I knew I had cracked my scabs, I walked towards my pile of clothes, picked something out and walked towards the bathroom.

I walked downstairs, now fully dressed in a hoody and jeans and quickly checked to see if Reneé or Phil were up.

Thankfully they weren't.

I grabbed my bag and walked out the door, being careful not to make too much noise when I shut it behind me.

I sighed, time to walk the five miles to school.

I unwillingly took the first step.

This is going to be a _good_ day.

I arrived at school slightly early and made my way to the music block, where I found Mr. Sutton as usual, sitting at his mac, doing some sort of work. Or not. Mr. Sutton was very into his subject so he may well be looking up the best sort of guitar to wear as a hippy or something like that.

He nodded at me as usual and I nodded back. We had a mutual agreement. I went to the back and pulled out a guitar. I had been teaching myself for a long time now. I think that if I was doing grades I'd probably be a grade 8. But I didn't mind, grades didn't matter to me. I mean what was I supposed to do with my ability to play guitar? I had no money and no where to go and who would want to hear _me_ play the guitar anyways?

I sighed. I shouldn't be thinking about things like that. Truth is I didn't have many cheerful things to think about.

I closed my eyes and blocked out my thoughts, humming a tune to myself.

I began to pluck the chords on the guitar as I hummed and gradually came up with a song.

"_When I wake up_

_You are the face that I see_

_You fool everyone one you know_

_And I wonder_

_If you fool me_

_I walk along the streets_

_With my head held high_

_Everybody stares and_

_I wonder why_

_When the nights are cold and the days are hot_

_I wonder what it would be like to have the life that I wanted_

_And I think of all the times that I said 'Stop'_

_And I wonder why you did it_

_An I wonder a lot_

_I could walk around_

_All the bright and cheery sounds_

_That I hear… are lulling me to sleep_

_I don't wanna hear it, but I do_

_It's not fair that life is all a cheat_

_Cos' everytime I close my eyes_

_I remind myself of those good times_

_And I think that it's enough for me_

_To be wondering_

_When the nights are cold and the days are hot_

_I wonder what it would be like to have the life that I wanted_

_And I think of all the times that I said 'Stop'_

_And I wonder why you did it_

_And I wonder a lot_

_It couldv'e been anyone_

_I didn't know_

_I thought about the things that you said_

_An you had me at hello_

_Why do these things have to happen?_

_Why can't we get away from ourselves?_

_Where is the wonderful freedom?_

_I can't feel those calming walves_

_And_

_When the nights are cold and the days are hot_

_I wonder what it would be like to have the life that I wanted_

_And I think of all the times that I said 'Stop'_

_And I wonder why you did it_

_And I wonder a lot_

_Ohh yeah_

_Oh I wonder why you did it_

_I wonder why you did it_

_I wonder why you did it_

_Yeah…_

_I wonder a lot"_

I suddenly realised I had been singing out loud, and looked up.

Mr. Sutton seemed to have caught on to the fact that it was private and was pretending not to have noticed I had done anything at all. Either that or he is exceptionally unobservant.

I went over to one of the apple macs which the school used for music, and opened up notebook.

I quickly typed out the song which I had just thought of and used Garage Band to create the tune. When I could I'd record myself and play it over the song. See if it sounded any good.

I clicked save, and was about to walk out when I bumped into Tanya. Immediately I stopped walking.

"What are you doing here, mouse?"

"nothing" I mumbled.

"I'm sorry? Speak up mouse I can't hear you"

"nothing" I said, louder this time.

"And what will you be doing tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that and so on…?"

"nothing" I said

"good"

She stepped aside and allowed me to pass, but not without me tripping first. She laughed. I held back a groan. Honestly.

I was relieved when all of a sudden the bell went. Tanya huffed and walk off to her first lesson, but not without making sure to step on me first.

I held my back where she had stepped on it withholding my curses, I was sure that 3 or 4 ribs were broken and I was finding It difficult not to swear from the pain.

I took a deep breath and walked towards my first period – English.

Mr. Griffith greeted us with his usual smile and told us that we would be studying shakespeare this term. I smiled inwardly to myself from my seat at the back and regretted it when Jessica Stanley noticed and nudged Lauren. They would now, of course be 'visiting' me at break. Not that they wouldn't anyway.

We spent the lesson doing a fairly simple worksheet on shakespeare himself. I was finished ten minutes in, and knowing that it was unwise to allow my thoughts to wander I pulled out a sheet of A4 paper. I placed it in front of me, and thought of what I could draw. My mind immediately sprang to my new song, and I slowly started to draw, I drew a face.

Not a face I knew.

But a face I had never even thought of before.

This fave had perfect oval shaped eyes and was _glaring _at me with such an intense expression the only thing I wanted to know was what he was thinking. Slowly as the picture came together I realised I wanted to add colour and I saw that his eyes were a deep shining black and that his cheekbones were beautifully defined.

I had drawn an angel.

Before I knew it, it was fourth period. Jessica and Lauren had of course visited me at break but thankfully the new deputy head had rounded the corner in time to steer them off.

I was happily drawing minuscule pictures of the angel inside my German book when I was interrupted by my teachers voice.

"was ist 'Ich Suchë stuab' auf Englisch?"

I could've laughed, but I didn't. Instead I calmly replied

"I suck dust"

The entire class laughed at me, and the German teacher shook her head and said

"If you want to be funny then I'm sure there's a spare seat in internal. The correct answer would've been 'I vaccuum'"

I scowled.

I knew for a fact that I was right. It's not my fault she's a sub covering for a sub covering for our original teacher. She hasn't even told us her name!

I continued too doodle, but I heard something from off to the left. Jessica Stanley was, as ever, having an interesting conversation. One which I, for once, was quite happy too overhear.

"So I'm gonna be entering as a singer. I shall sing You raise me up. I'll be brilliant won't I?" said Jessica

"I'm gonna be sooooo good! I'm gonna go as a dancer. I heard there were loads of fit boys entering too. Maybe we'll meet someone!" – Lauren

"Duh! I mean who couldn't like us?! I love 'Talent of the Nation' it's the best show ever!"

"yeah, it is! I'll meet you outside Smiths I heard they were giving out forms at the mall."

There we go.

And people say eavesdropping doesn't pay off.

I thought about it.

Why shouldn't I enter? Normally I wouldn't think about it but something told me that the person to whom those eyes belonged wanted me to enter, that they thought I'd be worth it.

I laughed.

The entire class stared at me.

Jessica and Lauren did a simultaneous scowl.

I stopped laughing.

I was now walking to the mall. Over lunch I had practised for my audition and I was going to go and get a form for entrance.

Wow.

When Jessica said 'giving out' I didn't think she was serious, but they were practically forcing them on people.

How odd.

Oh well, I happily accepted a form from one of the people giving them out and put it into my back pocket.

I wonder if I should tell Phil?

I wonder too much.

**AN: I hope you liked it guys I was planning on finishing this story and I have a vague sort of idea of the main events but if you think I shouldn't continue it or you have a good idea for something that could happen I would love it if you reviewed and told me**

**Also did you like the song?**

**Oh and do you think my chapters should be longer or shorter than this?**


	3. Withheld Hurts and Practised Modesty

**Disclaimer - I do not own twilight as I have said**

**Chapter 2**

**Withheld hurts and Practised Modesty**

I opened the door to the house slowly – Phil had been known to assault me as soon as the door was open before- and looked around. So far as I could see he wasn't around. Nor was Reneé- she was probably in an alley somewhere- I didn't want to think about it too much.

I took a tentative step into the house.

Nothing.

I sighed with relief and wiped my forehead with the back of my hand. I then proceeded to place my bags in their assigned spot, and walk towards the kitchen.

I looked at the clock – 5.00p.m enough time for me to make Pizza and cook it I think.

I turned towards the oven and-

BAM.

I was knocked forwards by a large weight flying into me. Phil.

I turned my head slightly so that I could see him.

There he was grinning slightly at me and standing to my right. He laughed, and then said

"Welcome back Isabella"

and then he jumped into the air.

And came down onto my right upper arm.

I screamed. I couldn't help it. It hurt. A lot.

He laughed again.

"I've been waiting for you all day so I could have some fun. Don't you think that's a bit unfair?"

Crap. He wanted some _fun. _And Reneé hadn't been in. Oh god.

He slowly leaned down until his mouth was next to my ear.

"I said don't you think that's a bit unfair?!"

Ow.

I hastily replied "Yes, sir".

He smiled.

"Me too, Isabella, me too"

He then put his hand around me so that he could reach my jeans button. I closed my eyes.

If I didn't think about it, it wasn't happening.

I felt him gently undo the button and slide the jeans off my legs. He then reached back up and pulled at the hem of my shirt.

He stopped. Suddenly I was flipped over.

He grinned at me. I wanted to be sick.

I could see the bulge in his trousers now.

"Now then my dear Bella, wouldn't you like to entertain me?"

As much as it sickened me, I nodded. There was no choice.

I slowly lifted my shirt over my head. He licked his lips.

"Now then, why do we need that?" he said plucking at my bra.

I cringed and slowly pulled it over my head- it was easier than trying to reach behind me with my broken arm.

He leaned down onto me, and suddenly I couldn't just see the bulge I could _feel_ it.

I wanted to cry, but I wouldn't, couldn't allow myself too. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

Suddenly his mouth was on my nipple and he was sucking on it, biting, so hard I wanted to cry out. I'm sure he broke the skin. He moved his other hand up and started to massage my other breast, squeezing hard enough to bring tears to my eyes. But I **would not** let them fall.

He used his spare hand to reach down and undo his own jeans, and pull down his underwear.

I looked away. I didn't want to see_ that. _

He growled.

"You should look at me, Isabella"

I didn't oblige. He grabbed my face and directed it towards his penis.

I cringed.

He slapped me.

I closed my eyes.

He grabbed my head and wacked it into the floor.

I opened my eyes and imagined I wasn't looking at it. I imagined I was looking into the face of the angel. My angel.

I felt Phil roughly pull down my underwear, and then suddenly, forcefully unexpectedly, He ripped inside of me.

So hard.

I cried out.

He moaned.

And then he was thrusting in and out of me at a pace so fast I was crying out constantly.

I whimpered. And then I pictured the face of my angel again. So beautiful. And even though I could still feel Phil and everything he was doing. It was easier for me to pretend.

We remained like that for a while, him thrusting in and out, me trying to pretend it wasn't happening.

It seemed like hours later when he thrust in for one last time and I felt him spill his hot seed inside of me.

I cringed again.

Fortunately he didn't notice.

Seemingly satisfied he got up and pulled up his underwear, giving me one sharp kick he said

"I want dinner in half an hour"

and left.

I numbed myself. As if on auto-pilot I slowly stood and pulled on my clothing, then made my way over to the cupboard, where I pulled out the necessary ingredients for Pizza and slowly made it.

Ten minutes later it was in the oven ready to be on a plate in 20 minutes.

I walked out of the kitchen and into my room, where I sat for all of that 20 minutes completely and utterly numb.

I was pulled out of my nothingness by the shrill beeping of the oven timer. I was surprised we still had one and Phil and Reneé hadn't sold it yet for drugs.

I walked as fast as possible into the kitchen and tried to turn off the beeper, remove the Pizza from the oven, plate it up and get out of their before Phil returned.

Too late.

I was just plating it up when Phil walked in.

Normally at times like this when I had to serve him food, were when I was most hungry for it, but now all I could think about was what had just happened, and I felt incredibly sick.

He grunted at me and sat down un front of his food while I quickly walked off to get him another beer from the small fridge we owned.

I walked out of the room and into mine.

How on earth was I meant to get through an audition? I was so disgusting I shouldn't even try. It was stupid of me to even think of it. I sighed.

I wanted so much to have a shower, a bath, anything, but we were on a water meter and there was no money to be wasted on cleaning someone as worthless and disgusting as me. It was a waste.

I pulled out the form from my back pocket , and was about to rip it up when I thought again of the angel whom I had drawn in English today.

I would do it.

For him.

I curled up in my 'bed' and closed my eyes thinking of the angel.

The next morning as my alarm clock didn't go off – I'd forgotten to set it- but fortunately my body knew the consequences of waking up late, and so I woke up reasonably on time.

I grabbed the form for 'Talent of the Nation' and quickly filled it in – I would drop it off on the way to school.

I got dressed as quickly as possible and walked out of the room. I would stop off at the pharmacy.

As much as I hated it I would have to shoplift some bandages for my arm. I mean I couldn't just leave it.

I walked slowly down the streets avoiding people so as not to bump my arm and cause un-necessary pain.

After a few hours I saw the Pharmacy come into view and turned off towards it, trying to seem as normal as possible.

I walked into the pharmacy and the receptionist briefly turned to look at me, but then carried on doing whatever it was she was doing. I was inconspicuous.

I made my way over to the section where the bandages were trying to make it seem like I was only looking in here for something to pass time.

There they were.

I looked around. No-one was watching.

I grabbed to boxes and shoved them inside my hoody, trying not to wince.

I then walked around the shop until a fellow buyer was headed for the exit and walked out next to them.

As soon as I went through the door the alarm went off and the lady next to me immediatley stopped and started searching herself for anything she might have accidently taken, and then she walked back into the shop to discuss with the cashier what could possibly be the problem. Perfect.

I walked off.

To my right was the place where the forms for 'Talent of the Nation' were being collected so I quickly dropped mine off and started walking the rest of the way to school.

Finally I arrived at school at around 8.30, and I quickly made my way to the nearest bathroom.

I looked around, there was nobody here but it would be safer to go into a cubicle just incase someone walked in- I didn't want them to ask questions about where I got the bruises from.

I entered a cubicle and shut and locked the door.

I had just removed my shirt when I heard the sound of the door to the loos opening and the unmistakable sound of Tanya and her cronies.

"So, Edward is dure to ask me out some time soon. I mean I know I'm going to be entering into 'Talent of the Nation' at the same time as his family, but sureley when they get voted out he'll fall completely in love with me." - Tanya

"He's so gorgey, and his brother Emmetts cute too. Do you think we could double date? I mean he can't be serious with that slag Rosalie" – Jessica

"I'm going for Jasper, I mean he's just SO hot!" - Lauren

I wondered who on earth they were talking about.

"Yeah an that alice girls probably a lesbian anyways"

I held back a snort, and quickly bandaged both my arm and ribs as silently as possible. Thankfully they were to obsessed with themselves to hear anything.

"Well, Eddy says they'll be coming to school here soon. The day after the auditions start actually."

"Wow, I cannot believe it! I am going to totally make sure Emmett is in all of my classes"

"Shut up Jess! He'd have to be like way stupid to be in the same classes as you"

"Shut up both of you Eddy is way hotter than Emmett!"

"No way!"

I heard them continue arguing as they left the bathroom.

I sighed and exited the cubicle, Great, more people to make fun of me.

I slowly made my way to first period, English again.

Mr Griffith was being exceptionaly unobservant today. I was hit in the head 3 times in the first ten minutes by paper balls. And I have a feeling that Jacob Spink is about to throw a spitball at me.

I was just about to draw another picture of my angel when I realised something.

I had given in my form today, but the audtions in Birmingham started _tommorow _I had no time to prepare!

I started drawing a picture of my angel again to calm myself. He was calmer this time, happy even, and when I was finished I could see that he was looking off to the right at someone with love in his eyes. His green eyes.

I sighed, he was so perfect.

It was now the end of the day.

The auditions were tommorow-

I had two choices:

1. Go home to Phil let him beat me up and don't get any practice for tommorow.

2. Practice after school in the music block, sleep on the streets, try and sneak into the house in the morning for clothes and hope Phil doesn't kill me.

Practically option one was probably most sensible, but if I wanted to not make everyone in the room put their hands over their ears and scream I should probably practice.

I chose option 2.

I turned around and walked briskly to the music room where I first burned the tune to my song onto a cd, and then recorded myself singing it over the tune.

In the end I had a cd with two tracks on it, one without singing another with me on so I would know what I sounded like.

I played the track with my voice.

It was beautiful.

_That _was not me.

I sighed again. Well I guess I'll just have to wing it.

AN: please review even if it's just to say you don't like the story. If people think I'm taking things too fast or too slow please let me know. Hopefully you like it the next chapter will be up ASAP. Oh and Just incase you didn't know The cullens and Hales are humans.


	4. Unexpected Meetings

Chapter 3

Unexpected Meetings

I slowly made my way out of the music block and towards the front of the school. I sighed.

Only 6.00 and I already had to leave.

Once outside, I realised that a) it was raining and b) It was _very_ windy.

Had to choose the perfect night to sleep outside didn't I?

I lifted my good arm so that my book bag deflected the wind and some of the rain, and looked around.

The streets around the school were practically deserted.

Where should I go?

And then I realised, this morning when I went into the pharmacy, right next to it there was that alley. The one which had a sort of roof which led between the two buildings and was sheltered slightly from the wind and rain.

I would go there.

I started off in the same direction as I always left in the afternoon, it was too late now for me to go home anyway. It was 6.00 Phil would've expected his dinner half an hour ago.

I frowned, and walked slightly faster in the cold rain. It was quite dark for 6.00 and this whole thing was giving me the creeps.

I saw the turning into the street with the pharmacy in it. Relief washed across my face, as I realised I only had to go a little further and then hopefully I would be able to stay there for the entire night.

I smiled. A whole day without Phil.

That hadn't happened since… three years ago.

I saw that because of the rain there weren't many people around, and made for the alley next to the pharmacy.

As I passed the woman inside the pharmacy gave me a weird look. And then I realised she probably recognised me from this morning. Crap.

Oh well. She can't prove anything right?

What if she can? What if she knows what was missing?

Double Crap.

For a moment I considered going in and facing her.

But then that single second of delusion left me and I was walking so fast I was practically jogging towards the alley.

It was wide enough to fit about three people across and quite long, so I made for the back where it would be most sheltered.

I was just about to sit down when I bumped into something, a cardboard box. Huh.

A little strange, but I was sleeping in an alley, why not make use of everything I can?

I picked up the box and ripped out the corners, so that it would flatten. Once it was flat there was just about enough room in the alley for me to lie, slightly curled, across the alley, my head leaning on the slightly damp wall.

I made my self as comfortable as possible, and surprisingly it was as comfortable really, as my own 'bed' at home.

Yes, my wonderful bed, which, if people knew about it, would be clamored for by all celebrities.

I chuckled.

The tree is on the wrong side, my friend.

The tree is on the wrong side.

I had been sitting there for a few hours, so it must have been about 10 o'clock.

Nothing much had happened, but I could hear that the louder drunk rabble had come out. I had a brick with me just incase anyone came down here.

I was thinking about drifting off to sleep when I a man entered the alley, pulling a young girl with him. She looked about 17.

At first I wasn't sure what to do. Should I tap him on the shoulder and say excuse me this is my alley?

No. It was quite clear what he was trying to do to this girl and the element of surprise would be needed for both of us.

He grabbed her and shoved her into the wall. It looked like he had a knife. I hate knives.

I could here people outside the alley now, calling for her.

"Rosalie, where are you?"

"I don't think it's nice of you to joke around like this"

"Rose?"

Apparently her name was Rosalie.

I decided right then what I was going to do.

I grabbed my brick, pulled my hood as far over my head as it would go, and walked as quietly as possible towards the man. Which isn't really very quiet when your as clumsy as me.

But it seemed that the man was very… absorbed, in what he was doing.

I was right behind him, when the girl, Rosalie, looked into my eyes. She was surprised.

I ignored it.

Raising the brick, I smacked his head as hard as I could with it. He collapsed.

For a moment, Rosalie just stared at me and then she ran off.

_Thanks for helping me move him._ What a nice way to say thank you. Let me move his stupid body which weighs like 200 pounds out of this alleyway.

Honestly. Some people these days.

I used my one good arm to grab him by one foot, and slowly drag him out of the alley and into the street. There was a dumpster nearby, if I put him in that then hopefully he'd think he got really pissed and for some reason decided it would be fun to sleep in the dumpster.

You never know, it could happen.

Eventually I had dragged him to the dumpster, but I had a dilemma now. How do I get him in?

Aha! I have an idea. If I lift his legs up and make it seem as if he fell out of the dumpster then he'll of… fallen out of a dumpster?

Oh who cares, he'll be just as confused no matter where he is.

As will I apparently.

Oh well.

I left him there and returned to my now nicely deserted alley. But wait, what's that?

Something near the entrance to the alley was catching the light. I walked over to it. The knife.

I picked it up. I had always hated knives. Not 100% sure why. Probably Phil's fault.

I then looked across the street. No-one was looking.

Should I throw it?

No, then someone else could become a mass murderer or something and it would be my fault.

Then should I keep it?

No, I hate knives, I could cut myself, and if Phil found it I don't know what would happen.

Bin it?

Yes, if I wrap it in something then no-one will know it's a knife, and it won't pierce the bin bag, so no-one will know it's their.

I smiled and picked up a random burger wrapper on the floor, which I then used to wrap the knife in, and placed both into the nearest bin, across the street.

I walked slowly back to my alley. I was rather apprehensive of it now.

And I don't mean that like, I was waiting for it to grow teeth and chase me round in circles trying to eat me.

Although that would be interesting.

No I mean, so far, that alleyway won't just let me sleep in peace. What will it do next?!

I looked around before entering it properly. Nothing much.

Okay. Safe. In we go.

I walked over and sat down on my cardboard box.

I will go to sleep.

I will.

I will.

Hmmm.

Should be around 2 in the morning now.

Go self for not sleeping!

Honestly.

Maybe I would sleep while I waited to be called for my 'audition'.

I stood up, stretching slightly, trying to get the stiffness out of my limbs.

Time to go.

I walked out of the alley, making sure to stick my head out and check for passersby, all clear.

I sound like James Bond.

I walked out of the alley and off towards my house.

I should arrive there by around 8.00.

Raining again.

I do love the weather here.

Well there it is.

My 'home'.

From the outside, it was a small rather drab flat, from the inside it was a small rather drab flat. Boy do we like variety.

Now first things first. Door or window?

Using the door might wake them up, but really how on earth could I expect myself to climb through my 3rd floor window?

Door it is.

I pulled out my key, and trying to be as stealthy as possible, opened the door, and poked my head in.

To the left, living room, I could just about make out Reneé' head on the floor. She had passed out. Again.

Normally I would be checking her pulse, but right now there was a 78% chance Phil was in their with her. And I did not want to wake that up.

I crept as quietly as possible towards the kitchen, managing to only knock over one lamp on the way.

No movement.

I love the fact that the people in this house don't react to anything.

Wait, why am I going to the kitchen in the first place?

Dammit.

Stupid brain.

I turned around, and quickly walked into my own 'room' and grabbed the top hoody and the one pair of jeans I owned from the top of my pile of clothes.

Okay. Now time to get out.

5

4

3

2

1

Go, go, go!

I ran, or rather hobbled, out of my room, and through the door, shutting it behind me.

I ran/hobbled all the way to the elevator, where I quickly hopped in and pressed the first floor button. Hopefully it was working for once.

Yess!

Down we go!

And no sign of pursuit.

As soon as the 'ding' sounded I shoved my way through the elevator doors and across the hall.

I went straight through the doors and out onto the street, where I could see that people were beginning to head out of their houses and towards the 'Talent of the Nation' studio.

First things first, I need to get changed.

I walked along the edge of the streets, so as to avoid the people coming towards me, and walked in the opposite direction of the studio. Towards the gym.

I entered the gym through the main door, and was given a funny look from the receptionist. I pulled out some of the remainder of the money from yesterday. £7.32. Enough for an hour in the gym.

As if I needed the actual gym.

The prospect of _me_ using those machines without killing anyone was so absurd I couldn't help but smile.

The lady smiled back.

Well I wasn't going to correct her by saying I was just hilariously clumsy, now was I?

I walked into the changing rooms and looked at myself.

Right. Hair.

Ew.

Showers I think.

I headed towards the communal showers. I checked all of the cubicles, but no-one was here.

I guess talent shows do have their advantages.

I showered as quickly as possible, after all, I didn't _want _to be late for my audition.

Even though I was only in the show for a mere ten minutes I couldn't help but relax, in pure bliss, as for the first time in about three years, I was able to enjoy a hot shower.

I smiled. Even if I still couldn't stand to look at myself, because of the mass purple discolouring.

I washed as best I could with one arm.

Phil sure did do a good job this time.

For a second, I relaxed the constant façade I kept up, I allowed myself to feel my real thoughts.

The pain, was constant, far duller than when the original injuries were inflicted, but it was still there. All the time.

I saw myself in the mirror, and I saw me for who I was. I couldn't fool myself. I was horrible. Why else would everyone hate me?

I almost laughed at the concept of_ me_ having a personal angel. I mean why would anyone bother?

I sighed.

So my dear friend, how are we feeling today?

Bloody great thanks.

I chuckled inwardly. My inner conversations were the only thing that kept me going.

I exited the shower cubicle, and dried myself off as quickly as possible with the available towels.

I got dressed quickly, not that I didn't normally, and rinsed my face, before brushing my hair and pulling my hood up.

I looked in the mirror again.

Still same old me. Only this time you couldn't see the hidden bruises. Well, you could see the one on my face. Apparently when Phil had his 'fun' the other day, I _was_ damaged by the head bashing.

I looked hard at my reflection.

The only way to cover that up would be concealer.

Well… I do have £2.32 left.

Knock your self out, me.

I grabbed the rest of my stuff, and walked out of the changing room, towards the exit.

"excuse me, miss"

I turned.

Did she actually expect me to answer?

I stared at her for about five seconds, and then it seemed to dawn on her that she hadn't actually asked me anything yet.

"erm… you see… you've never used the gym before… and… erm… we'resupposedtogiveyouaguidedtourbutIforgotandIneedyoutofillinthisformplease"

I stared again.

What on earth did she just say?

Something about a form?

She gestured weakly at me with a piece of paper.

I did my best to give her a friendly smile, and grabbed the piece of paper, without actually touching her skin. I hated that.

I really didn't feel like filling in this stupid form right now.

I wonder if I could bring it back later… or just escape altogether.

"erm… could I bring it back another time?" I asked quietly.

At first she seemed surprised by my voice, and then she recovered.

"er, yes"

How explicitly detailed.

I turned and made to walk out the door when she called out.

"Have a nice day!"

I smiled.

I will.

Eventually I was given a sticker with a number on it and was allowed in. Honestly, who'd of known it could take _so _long for someone's name to be written down and then give them a sticker?

I followed a family in front of me.

I had a feeling I recognised the one at the back, she was tall and had flowing blonde hair. She looked like a supermodel.

She was probably a friend of Tanya's or something.

I continued following them. They seemed nice.

In front of the tall blonde one, was a huge man, with dark curly hair, and muscles that were quiet frankly scary.

He was so large that he blocked out the view of the rest of the family. I could however hear them.

"Jaspeeeeer!"

"No, Alice, I will not sing Stayin' Alive with you next year"

"But what if we don't get throoough?!"

"Then we'll have to go shopping, my lovely Alice"

"Muuuum"

"Alice, dear, Jasper may be very nice, but even he would be hard pressed to go on National television and Sing Stayin' Alive"

"Aaaaaw. Please?"

"I'm sorry Alice"

I chuckled.

The blonde one turned around to stare at me, and it clicked.

She was the one from the alley.

I stared back, and her stare turned to a glare.

I don't think she recognised me.

We reached the waiting area and they sat down.

I sat opposite them, careful not to look at them, instead looking at the floor.

I swear I can feel a burning in my head.

I risked a quick glance up.

Yep.

Lovely girl, this Rosalie.

I had a choice.

Act shy or openly stare.

Hmmm.

Option one means I can only look at the floor, and with my clumsiness I'll probably accidentally kill a practicing stuntman.

Option two, Everyone ends up thinking I'm a bitch.

Who cares? These people will probably never see me again.

I stared hard at Rosalie.

She glared even harder, if that was possible.

I made sure though, to only stare, not glare.

I added a curious edge to my stare, so as not to seem so rude.

I swear she growled.

I looked at the floor again. Obviously she was easily aggravated.

A tap on my bad shoulder broke me out of my staring competition with the floor. And it took everything in me not to scream.

As it was I scooted to the absolute opposite side of the sofa to the intruder.

When I'd recovered I looked at this person.

They had caramel coloured hair, in wavy strands, flowing down to her shoulders, past her smooth and oddly caring face.

She smiled at me.

"Sorry if I startled you, I'm Esme."

To be quite frank, I was shocked.

For a minute it was silent, and then she seemed to realise that I was to shocked at the minute to answer.

"This is my family. We're auditioning as well, but it's going to be a long wait and I was wondering if you'd mind talking to us. To pass the time so to speak."

I nodded slowly. I was confused. _They _wanted to talk to_ me._

Esme's smile broadened, and she immediately pointed to a handsome, blonde man, who looked to be in his 20s, as did she, and was smiling warmly at me, and said

"This is my husband, Carlisle"

He nodded at me and waved slightly.

I could tell by the way he looked at her that he was deeply in love with her. I frowned.

Esme noticed this but didn't falter as she moved on too person number 2.

"This is Alice, my daughter"

She pointed at a small pixie like girl, who seemed to be jumping up and down in her seat, with short black hair, and I could only assume that she'd been the one talking to Jasper before. I was a bit surprised at how old she was. Surely she was at least 15? And that would mean Esme would've been 14 when she got pregnant. The frown got deeper.

"This is Alice's boyfriend, Jasper Hale, although we like to think of him as one of the family"

A tall and lanky looking boy with mid-length blonde curls bobbed his head at me. It was clear that he too was in love with Alice.

In fact, I was surprised he hadn't agreed to Stayin' Alive, the way he was looking at her.

"And this is his twin sister, Rosalie, and her boyfriend, my son, Emmett"

She pointed at the two who had been at the back.

Rosalie scowled, but Emmett stood up immediately and walked towards me.

Crap.

What do I do?

Should I stay still or Run?

Well running seemed the better option.

So I did. I ran around to the other side of the sofa before he could catch me.

He stopped, and gave me what could only be described as a _concerned_ look.

I blanched.

I had never in my life seen that look directed at_ me _before.

He turned and sat back down, frowning now.

Esme seemed to be wondering what to do next.

"And… er… this is Edward, Alice's twin"

Slowly I followed her finger with my gaze…

AN: Did you like it? :D I've had at least one great review so far :p and that makes me happy :D.

JUST REALISED QUITE HOW LONG THIS CHAPTER WAS. WOW :D

Sorry about the cliffy, but I couldn't help it. My fingers did it not me!

I luv reviews,, even more than packets of bubbles, which I love a lot.

O and I hope you liked some of my own added phrases in Bella's thoughts.

For instance – The tree is on the wrong side.

I thought some humor in Bella's brain as a defence mechanism was a good way to further the story :D

Next chapter soon, I've been writing at least one chapter every two days so far :D


	5. The Beginnings of Fame

Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight. Nor are any of the lines belonging to Ant, Dec, Amanda, Piers or Simon real.

Chapter 4

**The ****Beginnings of Fame**

It was him.

_Him__._

My angel.

And he looked just as I had imagined.

In the second picture, not the first.

He was so…

Breathtaking.

Literally it seemed as I suddenly realised that black spots were clouding my vision.

Breathe stupid self!

I sucked in a large breath of air.

Why is he looking at me funny?

Idiot self! His entire family has just been introduced to you, and your staring at him, like a lunatic.

I stuck out my hand.

"I'm Bella" I smiled slightly.

He seemed relieved.

"As Esme said, I'm Edward. Nice to meet you"

He shook my hand.

I didn't flinch.

I didn't flinch.

_I didn't flinch_.

My smile widened, and with a sudden rush I dared to continue a conversation.

"So, what are you guys gonna be doing?"

Suddenly Alice's head popped up between me and Edward and she said

"Dance, we're a dance group! Isn't this exciting?! I just know we're going to get through! I bet you will too! We're going to be bestest buddies!"

For about three seconds I blinked, and then the information which had just come from her mouth found it's way to my brain.

I should've guessed really, I mean, they were all so… graceful.

"What are you doing?" asked Edward.

"I'm singing"

I noticed Rosalie glaring at me still, from my left, and it seemed like Emmett was trying to placate her.

"I'm sorry, do you know Rosalie? It's just you keep staring at her. No offence" Alice again.

I blushed scarlet.

"I sort of do. She probably doesn't recognise me."

Better to tell part of a truth than to lie outright. I had learned that.

They can **always** tell when your lying.

Carlisle and Esme shared a look.

"Bella?" It was Carlisle this time.

I turned to face him.

"Yes?"

"Are you, or were you, adopted?"

Me? Adopted? Who would want me? I mean I can see how I'd be given up, but to be adopted someone has to _choose_ you.

Why would anyone in their right mind choose me?

I must of looked a complete idiot when I finally answered

"Er… No, Why?"

Carlisle smiled. "Both Jasper and Rosalie, and our children are adopted, I was wondering if that's how you met Rosalie."

That made sense, I mean the age gap, and the fact that they didn't really look alike. Although Edward and Carlisle did, surprisingly look a little similar.

I smiled timidly back. These people had adopted.

Did that mean they wanted more people to do work? Or that they were genuinely nice?

"No.2924" Cut in the speakers.

Esme laughed

"Told you this'd pass the time."

And they were off. Or on, depending on how you look at it.

Which means I'm on next.

Crap.

Maybe I should go?

Can't they track you down? Where would I go anyways?

Putain de merde.

I do love those French profanities.

Stay or go?

Stay or go?!

STAY OR GO?!

"No. 2936"

That's me.

I walked slowly towards the stereo, past the film crew and random people.

I was at the edge of the stage now.

I gave the guy next to the stereo my CD, to put in after Edwards family finished.

I watched them for a moment.

Boy, could they dance.

From what I could tell they were dancing to a homemade mix CD, but before I could watch much Ant and Dec came over with a film crew.

Oh God.

Dec was the first to speak.

"Hello there, are you ready to go on stage? Feelin' a bit nervous?"

I forced a smile and let out a shaky

"yeah"

"And what are you going to be doing for us today?" Said Ant.

"I'm going to sing"

I tried to keep the tremor out of my voice, but there was no avoiding the tomato red blush that had spread across my cheeks.

"And what are you going to sing then?" – Dec

"erm… It's a song that I wrote, it's called I wonder a lot"

"Okay then, ready to go?" – Ant

I nodded. I didn't think it was _too_ safe for me to be speaking at the moment.

If it were possible to die of redness, they'd be calling an ambulance.

I looked at the stage, I could see Edward and his family exiting on the other side of the stage.

I took a deep breath as I heard Simon Cowell shout

"next"

and I walked across the stage.

When I had reached the microphone (thankfully without falling over) Amanda Holden spoke up.

"Okay and who are you sweety?"

"I'm Bella Swan"

"Okay, Bella and what are you going to be doing today?" – Simon

"I'm going to be singing, a song that I wrote, called I wonder a lot."

I was managing to keep the redness down to of about slight pink at the moment.

"Okay then, go ahead"

I took a step back and signaled to the guy who stands next to the stereo- I must find out what his name is- to play the track.

I listened to the intro which I had played on the guitar, and waited for the piano to come in – my cue to start singing. It was a shorter version of the song to fit their two minute limit.

I could tell that my cue was about to come up, but with everyone staring at me I knew I wouldn't be able to do it.

So I closed my eyes.

Not exactly comforting in this sort of an environment.

But I pictured my angel, my Edward, and I imagined it was just him and me, and this was my way of telling him everything.

"_When I wake up_

_You are the face that I see_

_You fool everyone one you know_

_And I wonder_

_If you fool me_

_I walk along the streets_

_With my head held high_

_Everybody stares and_

_I wonder why_

_When the nights are cold and the days are hot_

_I wonder what it would be like to have the life that I wanted_

_And I think of all the times that I said 'Stop'_

_And I wonder why you did it_

_An I wonder a lot_

_It couldv'e been anyone_

_I didn't know_

_I thought about the things that you said_

_An you had me at hello_

_Why do these things have to happen?_

_Why can't we get away from ourselves?_

_Where is the wonderful freedom?_

_I can't feel those calming waves_

_And_

_When the nights are cold and the days are hot_

_I wonder what it would be like to have the life that I wanted_

_And I think of all the times that I said 'Stop'_

_And I wonder why you did it_

_And I wonder a lot_

_Ohh yeah_

_Oh I wonder why you did it_

_I wonder why you did it_

_I wonder why you did it_

_Yeah…_

_I wonder a lot"_

A huge roar filled my ears, and I opened my eyes to see the entire audience on their feet.

I was getting a standing ovation.

The judges too were standing.

I blinked.

They really though I was that good?

I smiled, and a single tear ran down my face.

I quickly reached my hand up and wiped it away.

As I did I could feel the cheap foundation coming off with it.

Crap.

I shoved my hand into my hoody pocket and hastily wiped it on the inside, before reaching up and grabbing the microphone again.

I just had to hope they either still couldn't see it, or they weren't bothered by it.

I looked at the judges.

After singing that song, I felt a little intimidated by Simon and Piers, so I faced Amanda.

"That was absolutely brilliant Bella, if all of our acts were like that then Simon would just have a stool and sit outside signing record deals."

"Ah, can I just interrupt you there Amanda. But I do not do this for the money-"

The audience laughed. I did nothing.

"No, Listen Bella, You have a wonderful voice, great personality, great song. You wrote that yourself?"

I nodded.

"Bella, can you pull your hood off so that we can see what you look like?"

For a second I was going to simply run off the stage, but then I thought.

Why would they care anyway?

So I pulled down my hood and showed the Nation my bruised face.

For a second their was silence.

"Bella, Can I just ask you? Where did you get that bruise from?"

Option one- Spit out the truth on live television and let Phil kill me later on

Option two- lie and say I tripped.

Why is it that option two always seems better?

I tried my best at a nervous laugh and said

"The floor. Hehe. I'm very clumsy"

By the end of that I was from light pink to cherry red.

If I put on a fat suit and a green hat I could've been mistaken for a person in a tomato suit.

I smiled slightly.

"Okay well, Bella that was great. Brilliant. One of the best performances I've ever seen and I think that you should go flying into the next round."

"Thank you Piers, Yes or No?"

"I want to see you in the Final, I'm gonna say yes"

"Amanda?"

"It's a yes from me"

"Three yes's your through to the next round."

"Thank you so much" I nodded my head and grinned, broader than I had in years at them.

I was about to leave when Amanda said-

"Bella? Would it be possible for you to pop back here at around 8ish this evening?"

I walked back over to the microphone and said the first thing I oculd think of

"erm… okay"

"Thanks, I'll get Steve the Stereo man to tell you where to meet me."

Simon gave Amanda an 'are you mad?' look, but she seemed to ignore it.

I walked off and sure enough as I got off stage Steve said to me

"You can meet Amanda in the Green Dragon, a few streets down."

I nodded.

Ant and Dec came over then.

"So, how do you feel?" - Dec

I opened my mouth a few times.

"I'm through to the next round."

"Unreal is it?" – Ant

"Like a dream?" – Dec

I nodded.

I smiled, for the cameras sake and waved.

"See you when they choose the semis then, I guess"

"Bye!" – Both.

Thank god for that. I'm not sure how much more of that I could take.

I walked out the door.

I was through.

To the next round.

And I'm going out tonight, again.

I made my way towards my house again.

It was around five o'clock now.

Was that too late to make dinner?

Would I be physically able to meet Amanda if I went home now?

Oh sod it.

There's no need to hide my bruise anymore, and There's no way I'll be able to afford something nice for his evening.

Anyway I can't she'd see all of my bruises, my other 3 which covered basically all of me.

I sighed.

I wondered what the Cullens had done after they got through.

Wierdly, as if the big man himself had been listening in on my thoughts I overheard Alice again at precisely that moment.

I looked to my right where the sound was coming from.

They were in a coffee shop.

An expensive coffee shop.

I couldn't go in there, I had no money.

Plus how was I supposed to talk to them without coming across as a stalker?

Wierdly (again I know!) Their happened to be a lady walking past with a big, what seemed to be gucci, handbag.

So she had no common sense, and a lot of money.

Now pro's versus con's:

Pro's:

If I had money I could go into the coffee shop and talk to Edward

If I had money I could go to the pub before Amanda

If I had money I could seem like a normal person.

Con's:

Stealing is bad

That's it. All we've got in con's os stealing is bad.

Stuff you con's.

I walked stealthily (and you'd be surprised at how stealthy I was) behind the woman, following her until she turned a corner, when I pretended to bump into her.

Conveniently dropping my hand into her bag and retrieving her purse, I gave a quick apology and walked away.

How very oddly faithful some people can be.

I opened the purse.

Boy I wasn't wrong when I guessed she was a richie.

About 6 debit cards. Useless to me. I ignored them.

Bingo! We have £60 in cash.

I removed the money from the purse and dropped it onto the sodden Birmingham streets.

Time for a coffee I think.

AN: Did you like it? Was I detailed enough with Edward?

Was I accurate enough with the judges reactions, and Ant and Decs comments?

Please review. Thankyou for reading all the same!


	6. The Green Dragon vs The Coffee House

**Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight, nor are these real quotes of those people who may not be fictional characters**

**Chapter 5**

**Coffee house v.s Green Dragon**

I walked slowly up to the glass door of the coffee house, and pushed it carefully open.

The wad of cash was still in my hand.

Abruptly, I was hit by a wave of guilt, I could still go back, somehow find that woman, say the money 'fell out of her bag'?

No.

Wouldn't work. Unless I wanted to go 'visit' the nice people at the police station.

Very Bad Idea.

I glanced over to the Cullens.

Could I ruin that?

Surely they wouldn't want to talk to me.

But Edward.

He was so…

Edward.

Could I stay away from him?

No.

Or at least not when the only reason to stay away was my cowardice.

Honestly. You'd think that after everything I've done I would be a bit braver, but no, the prospect of talking to a family.

Now that's scary.

Great, now I was getting goose pimples from the warm air inside the coffee house. I walked slowly forwards, trying not let my doubts show.

This is it.

I reached the counter.

Breathe self!

I looked the waitress in the eye and braced myself.

Then realised I hadn't considered what I'd order.

"erm…"

I've never had a coffee before, should I go with hot chocolate? Or have a latte, people in movies have those right?

"Can I have a Caffè Freddo please?"

I had no idea what that was but still, Freddo sounds nice right?

The waitress poured me the coffee and handed it over.

"That'll be £2.50"

She gave me a weird look and stuck her hand out.

Nice how polite people are these days isn't it?

I handed her a fiver, and walked away quickly. Not that she deserved a tip, I just couldn't stand being over there for any amount of time.

I picked up my Freddo, and sipped it. Mmmm. Quite nice really, it had ice cream on the top, and the mix between hot and cold was nice.

Not sure about the coffee bit though.

Oh well.

I looked around, trying to make it seem as if I were looking for a seat.

I heard whispering behind me and turned to find the Cullens sitting there.

Huh.

That was weird, I swear when I looked through the window they were sitting on the opposite side of the café.

Then I noticed the giant mirror.

Oh.

I smiled a bit, and did a sort of half wave spaz.

Stupid arm, I will have a word with you later for that.

Edward looked smiled at me, but didn't say anything. Rosalie glared. Alice stared in a weird enthusiastic way.

I was beginning to feel like an idiot standing their without doing anything, so I turned, and was about to walk off when Carlisle said

"Bella! Are you okay? Did you get through?"

I managed to smile at Carlisle,

"um… yeah, I got through"

He smiled.

"That's great, why don't you come and sit with us?"

"Yeah, Bella! I want to show you our dance routine, and then we can talk about your outfit in the semi's and, and, and… it's gonna be great!"

Alice said all of this in such a rush I wasn't 100% sure what she was on about, and foolishly nodded my head in agreement.

I think, Alice screamed, it was so high pitched I couldn't really tell.

And then a blur ran at me.

Just as I was about to side step this small missile Jasper, managed to grab Alice round the waist.

Not sure that's a good idea Alice.

She pouted.

"But, Jaaaaaaaazzzzzy… Don't you love me?"

Jasper chuckled and kissed her on the nose,

"Of course I do Alice, Which is why I am preventing you from running head on into the cabinet over there"

Alice frowned, and then seemed to realise what he was saying and smiled again.

She patted the seat next to her with her had,

"Sit next to me Bellsy!"

"erm… okay"

I awkwardly made my way over to sit next to Alice.

She grinned at me.

It was a little disturbing.

I smiled slightly. Will she ever stop grinning? The people outside are about to call the police.

As if sensing this, Alice suddenly frowned, then turned round and thumped Edward.

"Don't you dare!"

Edward laughed.

It was a wonderful sound.

I was so caught up In it I completely forgot where I was, and managed to fall over.

Sitting down.

Thankfully, it wasn't too damaging a fall, although Emmett found it hilarious and wouldn't stop laughing.

"That was… so… funny… your… so… clumsy"

was all Emmett managed to say between laughing.

I was, naturally, the colour of beetroot by then.

So red, in fact, that the entire family started laughing at my redness.

What should I do?

I chose simply looking down and waiting until they stopped laughing. At least that way I'd know what they wanted.

Jasper was the first to notice that I had zoned out.

"Bella, are you okay?"

I looked up.

By now the entire family was staring at me.

"erm… I think I should probably go. It's good that you guys got through."

Jasper nodded, Edward stared, Rosalie glared, and, once again, Carlisle and Esme shared a concerned look.

I frowned.

No! Bad self stop frowning! I must stop forgetting my own rules.

I stood and smiled slightly.

"er… bye then"

"Bye Bella! Next time we'll go shopping and I'll give you a make-over, and and and yay!"

I walked over to the door and waved one last time.

"Bye Bella."

I stopped.

Move feet!

I was dimly aware of the fact that my feet, apparently, were moving, and that I was already across the sreet.

I came back to myself as I stopped in front of a park.

My park.

Wait… How did I get here?

Wow, Edward's voice is… Wow.

Anyway.

Park.

Yes.

…

Edward…

No! Stop it!

I walked forwards towards the park.

It was completely empty, in an weird way, considering it was 5.30pm. I thought this was when munchkins were at their best.

I sighed and walked over to the swings. It's not like this is one of the best places around town to be hanging around in. That's why I liked it here.

I stared around me.

I had been coming here for three years.

It was still the same.

No… wait… I'm pretty sure that there wasn't a red hat in that tree three years ago.

Or was there?

You can never be too sure round here.

You see, I did it again.

That's how I entertain myself.

Reneé used to be the person I could rely on to laugh at my jokes. I was the funny one. Not neccesarily pretty, but funny.

I'm not saying I was a particularly popular person, but I had friends, and nearly every single person at school liked me enough to at least wave.

Ha.

Nowadays, the only people in the school that even remember I exist are Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory.

Although they_ do _find me funny.

I'm pretty sure once or twice the teachers have noticed an extra student in their classes too. But I'm in-conspicuous, so much, in fact, that I bet you when 'Talent of the Nation' plays on the Television they'll all be wondering who the hell I am, and why they said I went here.

There may even be a national enquiry as to wether I really exist or not.

Or maybe not. They may just decide they can't be asked and tell me to bugger off.

I like the park.

It lets me… think.

Not that I don't think the rest of the time.

Just that the park is… stimulating.

And rusty.

But who doesn't like a good bit of rust eh?

Oooh, looks wierdly dark, I wonder what time it is.

Not that I'm worried about being in such a rough area at night. No. Actually I'm pretty good mates with 'Dave the deadly' or as I call him 'Dave the Dumb'.

I mean he doesn't know how many fingers he has.

One day I will teach him how to count.

He's the biggest Gangster on the block. And he can't count.

Well, just goes to show what education these days has come too.

I trudged along the path.

I don't notice much these days do I?

I have a feeling I've been missing something the past few days.

…

Crap!

Phil!

Oh my god. Where has my brain been the past day?!

If I finish talking to Amanda by nine, I'll be back by ten…

I wonder if I could pass this off to Phil as a very vivid and long nightmare caused by his excessive drug and alchol intake.

Then again, he would probably find it weird that he had the same hallucination twice.

Not that this has happened before. He just has a very weird imagination when on drugs.

So.

To lie or not to lie. That is the question.

Hmmm.

Option a) I lie – upside Phil may believe me and be okay with it. More likely he won't believe me, will be angry I went away, and even more angry that I lied. Result – Very Bad.

Option b) I tell the truth – Phil will be angry I left, but after one night he'll get to hammered to remember what happened. Result- Not Good.

Well, Not good is better than Very bad, isn't it?

Option b it is. Internal Cringe.

Haha! For once I have had an option b winner!

Stuff that option a!

I was, of course, walking this whole time. I can be very self-absorbed. Maybe I should look that up. See if it's a mental disorder or something.

I looked up. Yes, I have been looking at my feet this whole time.

Aha, a clock!

7.43

Not good.

But Not bad either.

Let's go.

Fast limp! Fast limp!

I see it!

The Green Dragon.

Hopefully this would go better than the coffee house expedition.

Forwards.

I pushed open the door.

Unlike the coffee house, the waft of air that hit me was only mildly warm, and smelled of cheap booze.

Reminded me of home.

I looked around.

There were three cheap looking tables to my left, in front of a log fire, which seemed to be dying slowly.

Directly in front of me was the bar, as an antique, it would've been quite good. Original wood, you could tell from the stains, but I would prefer an original bar if it had been cleaned since it was made.

To my right there was another three tables, facing a grimy window, and around the corner, was a door, which could've led the toilets. Or the kitchen.

Quite likely that here, the only difference between them is the oven.

I cautiously made my way over to the bar.

I looked at him.

Closely.

Ginger, receding hair. Half curled beard. Blue, weird eyes.

This looked like Al's brother.

Murph.

Immediately I felt more at home.

Al was one of the lead gangsters with Dave.

I could trust these people.

If in a slightly odd way.

I smiled at Murph.

"Hey, Murph"

He looked at me, more than before, and seemed to realise who I was.

"Oh hey darlin', what you orderin'?"

"hmmm… I'll have a Vodka shot, and then a Barcardi and Coke, thanks Murph"

He turned to pour the shot and continued talking.

"So, 'found' yourself some money then."

I grinned.

"yep, good £60"

He laughed.

"You'll be a great one when your older girl."

He turned and handed me the vodka shot.

"Never thought you'd be one for a barcardi and coke though."

I continued grinning as I spoke. This was starting to hurt.

"No, I'm not normally, but I'll be talking to those who don't understand my pereferences for alchol at the age of seventeen. Nor my ability to easily obtain it."

"So your meetin' someone whose stuck up their own arse then?"

I smiled and nodded, before downing my shot.

"yum"

He laughed.

"I'll just get that barcadi an' coke and it'll be £5.64 thankyou"

"Am I giving you a 4 pence tip by any chance?"

"No way, 4p is a tiny amount. Your tipping me 14p. There's a huge difference."

I smiled.

"Now, I'll be sitting over there" I pointed towards the window seat all the tables on the right were facing. "but you don't know me. Okay?"

He nodded and handed me the barcardi and coke.

I handed over £6.

"Keep the change Murph. And don't start talking about the price difference between 14p and 36p."

He chuckled and started cleaning glasses.

I turned, and carried my drink over to the table.

The conversation with Murph had brought me back to reality.

I didn't like it.

Reality hurt.

Ow.

I sat their for 18 minutes, entirely sucked into reality crapness.

By the time Amanda arrived, I was clutching my side with my one good arm, and finding it difficult to breathe through the pain.

I was like that, when at exactly 8.01 Amanda Holden walked through the pub doors.

She hadn't changed but she still looked fabbity fab in her sequin dress.

It annoyed me.

She walked over to Murph, and asked for a martini. At this Murph gave me a 'That's the one isn't it?' look, before serving her.

She waited until he had given her her drink and she had paid for it before looking around.

Once she spotted me she made straight for the table.

I tried to arange my features so that I looked like I'd spent the entire time I was waiting thinking about bunnies or something.

Easy to do.

Think about bunnies.

Do you think you can get bunnies with multi-coloured ears? And no black and white doesn't count.

I was broken from my thoughts of multi-colour bunny ears, by Amanda Holden arriving at my table.

She ended up sort of standing next to the table and staring at me.

"Hi, Bella. I was wondering if I could sit and have a quick word with you?"

I was tempted to say no. Just to see what she would do.

Unfortunately, I am getting to good at resisting temptation.

"Sure"

Stupid mouth.

She smiled at me, and sat down across from me.

"So… what did you want to talk about?"

My mouth is apparently no longer receiving messages from my brain. Instead my feet have probably taken over.

She seemed to take this as an invitation to start up whatever she was about to rant about.

See. If I controlled my mouth none of this would've happened.

"Bella… there's not really an easy way to say this… Are you okay?"

That's what she was working up to? Someone needs to see a therapist, I think.

"Erm… yes?"

I said it like a question. I mean if that's what she came to say, she's obviously mentally disturbed.

"I don't think you understand what I mean, Bella."

Well she was right there.

"I don't think you could've got that bruise on your face from just falling, and I'm not sure you understand how much pressure is going to be on you. You are an exceptional singer, and that means that very soon there's going to be a lot of publicity around you. For someone who is normally ignored, or has little attention that can be a shock. And a lot of people are going to question you. So I would like to know if you either want to pull out of the competition, or explain where that bruise came from."

Hmmm. Explaining the bruise = Dead.

Pulling out of the comptetion = Angry Phil for no reason.

Nope. Not doing either.

"I told you already, I'm really clumsy, I feel over, and mother nature, cruel as she is, bashed me in the face. I will not pull out of the competition, because I risked a lot for this."

She looked taken aback that so many words had come out of my mouth.

"Okay Bella, for now that's okay. But this is my number, if the pressure gets to be to much."

She handed me, not a pre-printed card, but a scribbled number on a piece of paper.

I looked at it. Then her. Then it again.

She smiled and nodded.

"See you in choosing for the semi's Bella"

And she walked off. Just like that.

Well some people have issues.

I'm not even sure if this went well or not.

I mean this is almost as confusing as my trip to the Coffee house.

The question is, Which was worse?

**AN: Sorry it's been so long – my computer and modem are both going spaz all the time, and I have to get an extra 2gig of RAM for my pc to make it work. Plus new broadband.**

**I would love it, if in any reviews you could tell me what you think the answer to Bella's question is and if you like her whole, joke to yourself to escape reality thing.**

**And obviously wether or not you liked it (hopefully you did ********)**

**Thankyou for reading even if yyou didn't like it, hopefully the next installment will be quicker, but I can't promise anything, what with it being so difficult for me to type it up.**

**Ty for reading! From your author –**

**Randomness Rules**


	7. Scares and Dares

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

**AN: Hope you liked the story here's the next chapter:**

**Scares and Dares**

I walked out of the Green Dragon at 2.51am.

To say I was drunk would be like saying a bunny with multi-coloured ears was slightly abnormal.

I was so hammered I walked into a wall.

Not once.

Not twice.

No, even three wasn't enough.

Four times. Yes, four. I spent so much time face rubbing the wall that I'm pretty sure, that if I were coherent, we would be quite good friends by now.

I like Murph a lot more now. He's a nice guy. You'd think the fact that he was a 'gangsta' would detract from a guys personality, but it really doesn't.

He even took me home.

"So, Bella, A left here?"

"Nunga-nunga! Hehehehe"

Yes. Once again, my feet were in charge, and they weren't really for the whole self-preservation thing.

I giggled.

Again.

Murph sighed, and picked me up.

"Come on now, Bella, Only a little bit further till we're at your house."

Weirdly he was right, I thought we were outside the pub.

No… We were by the big towery thing.

Definitely.

Wait… Was it actually a factory?

I don't know I can't tell. Hopefully I'll end up at home.

I smacked his head for no apparent reason, and he laughed.

"Getting violent now are we Bellsy?"

I froze.

Who was it that said that?

A squirrel!

"Squiwdweff"

"erm… what?"

I pointed in the vague direction of the squirrel.

"Er… yes, Bells. I think, that you'll appreciate whatever it is, more tomorrow morning. When you can actually see it."

What was he on about? It was obviously a very friendly squirrel, because now it was on his head.

"hehe… Squiwdeff"

I promptly fell asleep.

Slowly and blearily, I opened my eyes.

It was still dark, and I was in some-ones arms.

"Hey, Bells it's me, Murph, I thought you might want to walk in on your own."

I looked around.

We were at my place.

Huh.

That was quick… Wait I was asleep.

I felt myself being lowered, and adjusted myself, so that I could land properly.

Once upright, I placed a hand on each wall, and held myself up.

"Thwanx Mwurph"

"No probs Bells. But one thing. Is this really were you live?"

I nodded. In a weird, bobby head sort of way.

He frowned.

"I thought you said you lived in a house."

I looked around, and shrugged.

"S'got four walls ain't it?"

He nodded, then shook his head and sighed.

"You know where to find me Bells"

Then he turned and walked away.

Humph. Meanie.

I walked through the hall and towards the stairs.

Somehow I managed to climb 16 flights of stairs, and come out of the other intact.

I know, I was surprised too.

Do you know what I feel like?

No, me neither.

I grinned like an idiot, before stopping outside my front door.

My idiotic drunk self, decided that I was sober enough to walk through the door and into my bedroom without anyone being any the wiser.

So I opened the door.

And promptly knocked over the table by the door, then walked forwards, into the wall, fell over, and tried to walk into the kitchen.

I say tried, because obviously, in my drunk state, I had forgotten how to work a door, and was just walking into the door, over and over and over again. It was actually frustrating me.

Yes. That's right. A door was frustrating me.

A shame that I didn't open it really, because five seconds later Phil pulled the door to the living room open with such force, that it banged into the wall behind it, with a thud.

For around three seconds he stood their, not moving.

"You Fucking Bitch! Where the Fuck Have You Been?!"

My feet were again in control, as my mouth made to answer him.

Unfortunately my mouth never got the chance, as a fist smashed into it.

Ow.

For a second, I swayed, and then I fell backwards, into the corner of the doorframe.

Phil was ranting, but my brains connection with my ears must be having issues, because only a few words were coming through.

"You… Not… My dinner! If… ever… you… will… die… respect"

Hmm.

And I thought he'd be angry. Although he was obviously high. I mean, why else would he think I was his dinner?

I managed to say.

"Not your dinner."

For some reason he didn't appreciate that.

Ow.

He was now kicking me, in the ribs.

Hmmm. I feel, a bit… odd.

I leaned over, and threw up.

On Phil's foot.

From what I could see, he seemed not to like it.

I am always telling him to wear slippers, or shoes, or something.

He waved his hands in the air a bit, turned around, and then, walked off.

Not normal.

Wait, from what I could see, he was coming back.

What was the point in that?

The next blow to my head, explained exactly why he left.

There were spots everywhere, it was difficult to stay conscious. Did I want to stay conscious?

He was wearing his steel toed boots.

Fuck, ow.

As I came back to the world, I could feel him kicking the rest of me without abandon.

I heard a snap.

"Phwuck owff you baffstard!"

Oh my god.

Did I just say that?

I don't mean 'Oh my god I'm mentally retarded'- I said it like that because I have blood in my mouth.

But still.

Oh my god.

Phil paused for a moment, and looked at my face.

I would love to describe his expression, but I have absolutely no idea what he looked like- I can't see properly.

He grabbed my arm.

Yes, the broken one.

I vaguely realised that I was still cursing at him.

He pulled me along the hall, and into my room.

What were we doing in my room? We never go in here.

He threw me on the 'bed' and kicked me once before leaving the room.

Do you know what? I think the drugs have finally got to him.

Or maybe they've got to me.

Maybe I'm really in a mental hospital.

I suddenly had a spaz attack of hysteria.

I was laughing so hard, that blood was dribbling out of my mouth.

I couldn't stop.

I'm a mental person.

Phil entered the room with rope.

I couldn't help it. I reached out and grabbed it, and then started chewing. Yes chewing.

Obviously I subconsciously thought rope was tasty all this time.

After a few seconds, I regained control of myself and dropped the rope.

I think even Phil was a little concerned by now.

If he was, he got over it.

He picked me up, and tied my arms to the curtain rail. One on each side.

Hmmm. Ow.

He looked at my face again, and laughed.

Then he pulled out a knife, and cut off my shirt.

Normally I would've been concerned with this, but this sort of thing happened so often, that in my drunken state, I was still more interested in the ropes.

He left again.

He is a bit odd.

But then again, maybe he's really normal, and I'm the freaky one. I mean, I did just try and eat a rope.

He came back in.

Yes, again.

This time he had a little gas oven.

Where did he even nick that from?

Hmm, a spider…

Wait, he's gone behind me. Oh no! Pantomime.

I then started pretending he was the villain behind me, in my head.

I didn't notice anything behind me for the next few minutes, as I recited all I knew of pantomime from school in my head.

Which was basically, my internal self going:

"He's behind you!"

"How do you know?"

"I just do"

"ooh are you psychic?"

…and so on.

I was fine like that until, I heard Phil laugh.

Even my drunk self knew that wasn't good, and I tried to turn to see him.

I felt something, hot. Uncomfortably so, on my back.

Then it got hotter. I tried to squirm.

"Nyah!"

Yes, now I was making up words.

The heat turned to burning, and the feel of being cut open at the same time.

I could feel it moving, but it didn't matter.

I screamed.

It came out as a gargle.

I sort of wiggled, and then fell over.

Yes, while I was tied standing up, I fell over.

After what seemed like the entire middle ages, the burning stopped, and I sagged.

I heard Phil laugh.

He was pleased.

Not surprisingly.

I was, however, surprised, when I suddenly felt cool air hit my legs.

I didn't like that.

I kicked him.

Only in the knee, but still.

He cursed, and kicked me back.

Before I had a chance to retort, he pulled down my pants, and I could feel him on me.

I shut down.

I didn't move at all.

I was barely even aware of where I was.

He leaned down, as if to whisper in my ear, and I could feel his breath on my cheek.

"I hate you, Isabella. But you sure are a good fuck."

And then it started all over again.

I opened my eyes.

Dark.

Wet.

Outside.

Seems like Phil chucked me out again.

I tried to get up, but neither of my arms would work, and it seemed like my leg was broken.

Just trying was making it incredibly difficult to breathe.

I couldn't do it.

Stay here, wherever here was.

I looked around what I could see of where I was.

Nothing distinctive.

I have a long stay ahead of me…

It had been a whole day, and I still didn't think I could get up.

If I didn't get anything to drink soon, I'd probably not be waking up. I mean that as in after I fell asleep, not right now. I'm awake now. You should really be able to tell that.

I could here movement at the end of this alley type place.

Muffled yelling, and a mans voice telling whoever was yelling to shut up.

I didn't like it.

No.

Go away.

"Go away."

It came out in a weird voice, and I didn't think it was loud enough for either of them to hear, but I could see the outline of the girl look up, and she kneed the man.

He looked a lot like the one from before.

He cursed and tried to grab her, but she ran forwards, and picked up a brick, whacking him on the head with it.

Wait… a brick?

Is this the same alley?

She walked over to me.

I'm not sure if she thought I was alive or not.

She nudged me.

"Hello?"

I stared at her.

That seemed to freak her out a bit.

"hey"

I managed to say.

She looked a bit freaked.

"Are you okay?"

I nearly said I was one hundred percent fine, so piss off and leave me to my floor.

But I didn't.

Although I do like my floor.

"Erm… If I could have a drink that would be nice."

She frowned.

So she didn't like this answer?

"I think I should call an ambulance."

"No."

"But you could be really bad."

"No."

She shook her head.

"Can't I take you to my place?"

hmm.

If I went then I could recover for next Monday, and I would definitely be alive.

"okay"

She smiled a bit.

But then noticed I wasn't getting up.

"Can you walk?"

"I can try"

I did.

Didn't work.

She seemed to notice, and grabbed my side, and pulled me up.

"Are you in trouble with the gangs around here or something?"

I shook my head, trying not to grimace in pain and said,

"I got drunk, went down the alley, Got beat up, I suppose."

That was of course a lie.

I might be a crazy drunk, but I do remember it.

She frowned, and then a look of horror spread across her face.

"Do you remember exactly what happened?"

I shook my head, and a sad look appeared on her face.

"oh… Okay."

She helped me along the street until we met a bright blue Subaru Impreza.

Not that I knew that.

Although I was impressed she had a car.

She helped me in to the passenger seat, and drove off.

We didn't talk during the ride, so I stared out the window.

Oooh window…

Once we got there, she turned to me and said,

"I have to go in and speak to my dad first, Okay? I'll only be a minute."

I sort of squeaked out a "yes."

And she got out of the car and headed into the rather large house in front of me.

I waited for around an hour.

It was getting weirdly hot in here.

I was so tired.

I was gonna go to sleep soon.

I could feel my head nodding as I tried to stay awake.

I was just about to fall asleep, when the door opened.

The girl had a split lip and looked upset.

"Are you awake? You have to stay awake. I read that in a book."

I nodded slowly, ignoring the pounding in my head.

"My father doesn't like visitors, so you can't stay here, but I did get you my gran's wheelchair."

I nodded again.

She pulled the wheelchair up to the car. And helped pull me in.

"I would give you lift to the hospital, but my dad's pretty angry with me. If you ever want to see me again, my name's Georgia."

I nodded.

Apparently I'm Churchill.

Oh yes.

She walked off then, back to the house.

… So hospital? Well, I suppose I could just stay a cripple. Because that would be fun.

Hospital it is.

I wheeled myself slowly down the street. As it turned out, it was only around a quarter-mile to the hospital, so I would be fine getting there.

I managed to wheel myself all the way there.

Mind you, people gave me some funny looks.

I guess I didn't look to good.

Okay, before entering, self check:

Head- Been bashed, probably broken nose and jaw.

Arm- One definitely broken.

Ribs- At least 5 broken ribs, maybe punctured lung

Legs- At least one broken leg.

Back- Not sure, but definitely cut up.

What should I do?

I don't think there's any need for them to know about my back, maybe if I say my leg hurts.

Yes, then I'd only need the one cast.

I wheeled myself in, and towards the reception area.

Wow, there are a lot of people here. I didn't know this many people needed to visit the hospital.

I headed for the main desk to 'check in'.

Unfortunately, it was built for people to stand up behind.

Idiots.

I knocked on the side of the desk to gain the clerks attention.

"excuse me."

"hey? Someone there?"

"down here."

A head popped over the counter, and stared at me.

"Hi, What are you here for?"

"I think I broke my leg. That's why I'm in the wheel chair."

The head raised it's eyebrows, but didn't say anything.

That's the kind of head I like to see.

"My name's Bella Swan, So… where should I wait?"

A hand appeared next to the head, and pointed to the far left end of the waiting area.

I wheeled awkwardly over there.

Time to wait.

It's hot in here too…

I watched as people on crash trolleys came in.

'Emergencies' they were.

One guy came in, with a bottle stuck in his gut.

I had been here for about four hours now.

I was so tired…

It took them _ages _to give a person a cubicle.

The person next to me had been waiting for 6 hours. He should know.

So tired…

Maybe if I just slept for a bit, I would wake up when they called me.

I closed my eyes.

I was being shaken.

"Miss! Miss! They called your name five minutes ago! Wake up!"

I opened my eyes to find doctor standing right in front of me.

I leaned back.

Why on earth did he want to stand in my face?!

Breathe Bella.

I wish, that once, just once, my feet wouldn't manage to take over my brain.

"Are you alright?"

Scary…

I nodded. I didn't feel like I could talk to this man.

He seemed to sense this, and walked behind me.

Not the best move.

I was holding in the scream.

I didn't care who he was. He should fuck off.

I gripped the edges of the chair as tightly as possible.

So tightly that my knuckles turned white. Or at least paler than before.

He started wheeling me towards the cubicle area.

I didn't relax.

"I'm gonna put you in a cubicle, and then Doctor Faulkner will be in to see you. She's very nice."

His last sentence relaxed my entire body.

He noticed.

Stupid observant person.

"I'll just pop you in here, and you can get changed, and put yourself on a trolley"

He put me in a cubicle, and pulled the curtains round.

There was a mirror in here. A mirror.

I looked at the paper gown.

Well, I suppose it doesn't matter how much I show them does it?

Yes.

It does.

I pulled off my clothing, slowly and painfully.

I was basically black and blue.

Ha! I'm multi-coloured! Like that rabbits ears!

I turned, so that my back was facing the mirror.

For a second I froze.

He _didn't._

He couldn't of.

No. I was imagining it.

I blinked hard.

Still there.

No matter what, there was no way I was going to explain the words 'Fat Whore' being branded onto my back.

At all.

I started redressing myself.

Then stopped.

I couldn't walk around like this.

Physically I couldn't.

Maybe if I told them I had lied about my name…

But what about the words?

Maybe I just don't let them see my back.

Stay lying down at all times.

Eventually I ended up in the stupid paper gown, lying on the bed.

I watched the curtains for a while, until eventually a woman, in her early 30's entered.

She had a blonde bob, and was quite obviously a doctor- she had a white doctors coat on.

Plus she had a stethoscope round her neck.

"Hi, I'm doctor Faulkner, I'll be treating you today. Say's here that your name's Bella Swan. That's it."

I smiled nervously, and restrained myself from wringing my hands.

"er,… that's not my real name."

She raised her eyebrows at me.

It seems his hospital has a thing about eyebrows.

Anyway…

Fake name… fake name…

I looked around.

There.

A vase, weirdly next too a sign for the loos.

"My real name is Poppy. Poppy Lewis"

She frowned, but nodded.

"I'll see if we can pull up your medical records. A nurse will be in here in a second to ask you things like when you were born, and then we'll see what we can do."

She left.

As soon as she walked out the curtain a nurse came in. She was pregnant. I stared.

She didn't seem too bothered.

"So, your names Poppy? Do you like the flower?"

I shook my head, and watched as she pulled out a clipboard.

"Right then. Your name is Poppy Lewis?"

I nodded.

"When were you born?"

"September the 9th 1990"

"Okay. What are your parents names?"

"There not coming."

"This is just to find medical information."

I shook my head, and frowned.

The nurse sighed and moved on to the next question.

"Where do you live?"

"4 Farriers Road, Sutton"

"What's the problem?"

"I fell down the stairs. I live on my own, and my leg really hurt, so I came here, because I think it's broken."

She nodded.

"Okay, I'll send the doctor in now. If it is broken I'll probably be the one to put a cast on it."

I nodded.

She walked out.

They don't monitor you much here do they?

Half an hour later and once again Dr. Faulkner walked in.

"okay then Poppy. Let's have a look at that leg."

She came over, and moved the gown up my leg.

It took a lot for me not to pull away. I certainly wasn't comfortable.

I could see the shock in her face as she revealed the bruises all the way my legs.

I winced.

She put on some latex gloves.

I didn't like those.

Phil sometime used them.

I shivered.

She came over and started to peer at both of my legs.

It was my right leg which was broken. Definitely. Although my left did feel like I had torn a muscle or something. I don't know.

Stupid Phil using a knife on it.

I saw her rearrange her features so that she was completely passive, and she started to feel along the bones.

She looked at me every now and then to see what my reaction was.

I kept my face completely clear of pain. It was getting too easy.

In truth it hurt like hell, especially when she put pressure on the break.

She seemed a little concerned that I wasn't reacting.

"Okay, well I'm pretty sure you've broken that right leg. I also think we should get a surgeon in for that one gash in your left leg. Other than that your going to need a good few stitches, and an x-ray to confirm the break in your leg."

I nodded.

She frowned again.

"It'll be about two hours until x-ray is free, so for now I'm going to give you a full body exam."

A full body exam.

Fuck.

Say no.

But then she'll be suspicious.

Say yes.

But what if she looks at my back?

Run.

Okay then.

I nodded at her.

She looked at me for a second.

"I'll be right back."

And she was.

She literally popped her head out of the curtain.

"Poppy… How old are you?"

"18, I told the nurse."

"I don't think that's right Poppy, because, although the nurse doesn't pay that much attention, I know that there isn't a number four Farriers road, Sutton."

Crap.

"There is. I live there."

"You're a good liar Poppy, I'll give you that."

I frowned.

"What do you want?"

"Poppy, normal people don't get that many bruises from falling down the stairs. Nor do they miraculously gain 6 inch cuts in their thighs."

I cringed.

"Well, I've always been really unlucky."

"I don't think so Bella."

Crap.

"What? I'm Poppy."

She smiled.

"You are so very good at this."

I frowned again.

"There's someone here to see you after your finished."

I nodded.

She walked closer to the bed.

"Time for your full body examination. If you would remove the gown."

I pulled the gown over my head, and was lying their in just my bra and knickers.

She gasped.

Instead of being upset, I was angry.

She was supposed to be passive.

I looked down at myself.

I had a few deep cuts that I had bandaged a bit, and then where there weren't bandages my skin was so bruised it was basically dark purple, even more so around my ribs.

You could see my ribs sticking out at odd angles, and my broken arm was bandaged too.

She slowly reached out to my arm and unwrapped the bandage.

The bone was straining the skin. It didn't look good.

She didn't touch it, but instead felt the pulse in my wrist for some reason.

She frowned.

"Bella, can you feel your left hand?"

I thought about it.

Could I?

"Not really."

"This is going to hurt."

I cringed.

Stop it with the cringing self!

She took hold of both ends of my upper arm, and pulled the bone back into place.

I was tempted to swear.

She gave me a weird look.

Probably because I didn't scream or anything.

Then she moved on to my ribs.

First she un-bandaged all the cuts across my abdomen.

Which was bad.

Because I had to lean forward.

I couldn't run.

I would stay.

Shut down.

I entered the sanctity of my brain.

I was aware of her scream.

I was aware of the nurse running in.

I was aware of their constant questioning.

I was aware of the lady from social services.

I was of the x-rays, stitches, and needles which were necessary.

I was aware of the cast's put on my body.

But I didn't react to any of those things.

Eventually I heard a beeping.

My alarm.

I shot up.

I looked around, a nurse had just plugged me in to a heart monitor. Outside the curtain was a lady. The social services one probably.

I had to get out of here.

I grabbed the IV needle from my arm and pulled it out.

The nurse was trying to restrain me, and the stupid heart monitor was going crazy.

An alarm went off and Doctor Faulkner ran into the room, with a needle.

Great more needles.

She injected it straight into my arm.

As soon as it entered my body I started to feel drowsy, I held still for a second, and the nurse let go.

Idiot.

I got up as quickly as possible, and made for the curtain.

Dr Faulkner was standing in the way looking confused.

I made to go past her, but I was so tired.

I took a step forwards on the cast, and collapsed.

I opened my eyes.

I could hear beeping again.

Stupid Heart monitor.

I could feel a new IV in my arm.

I tried to reach for it and pull it out of my arm, but I was stopped by what seemed to be restraints on my arms.

Bastards restraining me like that.

I looked around.

I had been moved to an actual room.

It was currently un-occupied. Apart from me of course.

At that precise moment Dr Faulkner walked into the room.

"Good Morning Bella."

Sure it was six months till the semi's but still.

I wanted to practise. Or see Edward. Or something.

I did not want to be here.

"Why am I still here?"

"So that you'll talk to Miss Davies, from social services."

I grinned.

"Okay."

She frowned, but went outside to get this person.

A moment later, she came back in with a short brunette.

"Hi, I'm Miss Davies. Your Bella right?"

"yup"

She was also take aback by my cheerful attitude.

"You can call me Anna then"

A weird look went onto her face then, as she came over and sat down next to the bed.

"Bella, I'm here to ask you, has anyone ever hurt you?"

I frowned.

"I would feel more comfortable answering that question without restraints on."

She smiled.

"Okay Bella."

God these people were stupid.

I continued frowning, so as to make it look like I was having an internal struggle.

"… yes"

She was very careful not to smile at that answer.

"Bella, can you tell me who hurt you?"

"What?"

I was genuinely surprised.

"The writing on your back."

No acting needed the colour from my face completely drained.

I don't know why I was so shocked. I knew they would look at my back.

I couldn't breathe.

I could hear the heart monitor escalating.

'Anna' was starting to look a bit worried.

"Bella?"

I wasn't going to reply when I could hardly breathe was I?

She ran to the door.

"Can I get a doctor in here?!"

I heard people running, but I still couldn't breathe.

Spots were blurring my vision now.

I was gonna pass out.

I did.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

"We have to bring her back! Charging 360!"

Ow!

"We've got her. Keep the oxygen mask on at all times."

I woke up to the same room, but this time no restraints.

I looked around.

I took my IV out first.

No effect so far.

I could see some crutches on the opposite side of the room.

Stupid casts getting in the way.

I swung my legs over the bed.

3

2

1

Go, go, go!

I pulled the monitor of my finger causing a big beep, ran forwards, grabbed the crutches, and managed to hobble out of the room.

Quickly. Are they coming from the left or the right?

I'll go right.

I sort of limped down the right corridor, and kept going.

I could hear people shouting behind me, but nothing from in front.

I managed to limp all the way out of the hospital.

Fresh air.

Lot's of it.

Cold.

I was still wearing my paper gown.

Now what?

**End of chapter 6!**

**Bloody hell was that chapter long. 36 pages.**

**I hope you liked it ******

**Please review! More soon. Maybe even the same day as this, depends when I can get on the internet.**


	8. What would you do in this situation?

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or really anything ****except from this story. Well obviously I own my actual stuff. And you know, like my computer and… This will be a long conversation.**

**AN: Just so you guys know, because of what Bella's been through she's tougher. No I did not say mean. Yes she may ridicule people in her head, but doesn't everyone sane and normal do that when they're feeling down? No? Oh well… just me then…**

**Anyway Bella just likes to cheer herself up by making jokes in her head, and it is NOT her fault that sometimes it is at the cost of someone else's pride.**

**What would you do in this situation?**

I was now outside the coffee house in which I had spoken to the Cullens. In my gown.

It's a good thing I have no money.

I mean it isn't. But it also is.

Because I don't have money I am not tempted to go in and buy a coffee.

But I am also in a hospital gown, showing off my bruises and casts outside of a coffee house. Not good. And also cold…

If I were to go in and ask for some clothes would they say yes?

Who cares?

I feel like some public humiliation, after all it's been at least three days, maybe more.

I limped into the caff and got more than one funny look.

I was kinda hoping multi-coloured bunnies were common by now.

Oh well.

I sort of hobbled towards the counter.

I wish people would suddenly notice that spider on the wall and run away.

"erm… sorry to bother you… do you, er, have any spare clothes I could borrow?"

"Why?"

Because I ran away from the hospital, and feel uncomfortable here what with that spider that keeps staring at me.

"Erm… to wear?" I made it sound like a question. What a stupid question, I mean, what else would I do with clothes?

She gave me a funny look. It was almost like she cared.

Such a shame I have to resist the urge to go 'woof!' in her face. I mean seriously, tense or what?

She nodded slowly,

"Okay, follow me. I'm Angela, Angela Weber."

Hmm.

"hey, my name's Bella."

Please don't ask that question. The big one in the corner.

"I hope you don't mind, but I don't have any particularly nice clothes."

Thank god.

"Erm… I'm sure their fine."

She nodded.

"This way"

I followed her into a back room, down a corridor, and towards a door with the words 'Angel's room' on the front.

We entered.

It was weird being in a bedroom so… predictable.

Angela's room was a light pink colour, with the odd poster on the walls. There was a rosary on the wall which implied that she was religious, the odd stuffed toy showed that she was still quite reliant.

It basically said that she was the sort of sweet, reliant person who kinda annoyed me.

I mean okay, your nice. We get it.

Sometimes people can be _too_ caring. And basically there always people like Angela.

She smiled shyly at me.

Yep. I am obviously a very good judge of character.

"So, erm… I think that your probably a few sizes smaller than me, but I reckon it'll be okay…"

Stop it with the smiling thing!

Now _I'm _doing it!

"Sure, that's fine. Thanks by the way."

I was **not** comfortable doing this.

She walked over to a painted white chest of drawers, which I had chosen to overlook before.

What kind of person goes into somebody's room for clothes and then forgets to actually look for them?!

There was a slightly awkward silence while she dug through her drawers for an outfit, and as soon as she had passed it to me with a small smile I was off.

"Thanks again, I guess I'll see you next time I come in."

Like I was gonna come to this coffee shop again. Because I **wanted** people to recognise me.

Yeah Right.

I hobbled slowly out of the room and down the corridor. I was slightly aware of her blathering behind me, but after everything that had happened today I really couldn't be bothered to listen to her.

I reached the exit and we parted ways.

I can't say I was bothered. Although, strangely enough I had made more of a connection with her than anyone else.

The street was practically deserted, which was strange for a place so close to the hospital, and I stood there for a moment, before it started to rain on me.

_Great._

Actually, thinking about it, it was great.

I smiled. I like rain, it makes me… dreamy.

I laughed.

No one was staring! Wait… there was no-one here to stare…

"Yay!!! Feet! Feet! Feet!"

I was trying hard to repress hysterics.

I looked at my hands. Which is my favourite?

Right!!

Right it is. I turned to my right. How annoying that I had to hobble in the rain! I want to be out there jumping in puddles which look really small but turn out to be 5ft deep!

Be sane and rational self.

So… I can't _really_ be going home now so…

I have to stay somewhere. For as long as possible, six months if I can.

Where can I though?

A friends house?

Wait. I remember now. I have no friends.

Stupid anti-social self!

So… that leaves…

A shelter or a foster home.

Like I could stay in a foster home! That would involve the police and social services and Phil and Reneé and, and, and!

No.

So… Shelter it is.

Hmm, what time do I reckon it is?

Judging by the sky, which is difficult because of the fact that it is raining and so kinda cloudy, I would say around 7p.m.

So, I've got to stick it for a few hours and then see if they let me in.

What _can _I do?

Well… When did I last eat?

The Town Square!

It has a clock, and hundreds of stalls to take my pick from if I get peckish. Which I am.

Very good! Off we go.

I hummed to myself as I hobbled down the street. I mean why bother to pay attention to your surroundings?

So how about the past 60 or so hours eh?

Home… same as usual… school… okayish… Talent show… pretty good… Cullens… seemed friendly enough… Amanda… Not good.

So yeah. All in all the past 60 or so hours have been okayishly good in a friendly not good but same as usual way.

By the time I had finished my internal rant I had arrived and stopped at the Town Square.

I looked at the big clock… 7.40pm… Okay so I'd been a _little_ off with my time guess. I reckon 7 was a good guesstimate.

I looked around at the stalls.

Annoyingly, there didn't seem to be much business, which meant that I would have to try harder if I wanted to eat. I was too late to get food from the shelter, I'd be lucky if I got a place to sleep.

The nearest stall with food which I would actually be able to eat was around ten metres away, and was a sort of mini bakery type thing.

The closest general stall was a fishmongers. It was right next to me. If I do not move I dare say my nostrils will burn from the smell.

I need a diversion.

Hmmm. A brilliant idea popped into my head. But would it work? Who care it'll be fun!

I suddenly began to sway on my cast, half hopping forwards so as to try and regain my balance.

You could've mistaken me for a drunk if it weren't for the obvious casts.

I moved less than a metre before I could no longer regain my balance and I fell to my left…

Right into the nearest clothes stall.

I got tangled into everything, and I could hear the owner shouting, and my fall to the ground was lessened by the fact that I had taken with me both an entire rack of clothes and the table that all of the stuff for the stall was on.

I tried not to smile at the man now reprimanding me.

After several hurried apologies I was allowed to leave, and I made it seem like I was simply wandering off, when in reality I was subtly heading towards my bakery man.

I snuck around the back as best I could, and I could see he was still engrossed in the clothes stall fiasco *hehe* and was wondering whether to go and offer help.

Even better, he was a sentimental baker.

3

2

1

And he's off.

"Do you need any help, mate?"

"Thanks. Honestly, I wish people would pay more attention to where they fall over!"

He actually said that. No joke.

Who cares? I grabbed a loaf of bread and a donut.

Sucker!

What large group of idiots does not notice someone nicking a loaf of bread and then hobbling off?

This one!

I hobbled all the way to the shelter, where I noticed a few people just randomly hanging around. They kinda looked homeless.

Well, at least I know I've got the right place.

I stopped at the building before it and sat down on the corner with my bread and donut.

I have missed donut's.

Last time I had one I was… 6?

I should have the bread first really.

I ripped off the top and bit into it. God I was _so_ hungry!

Really the bread was good… _real _good.

I had just taken another bite when a group of people who were outside the shelter appeared.

… Craaaaaap.

"Hey Girlie, what you got there?" said the biggest one. And he was pretty big for a homeless guy.

I had to resist snorting, I mean come on! I have a giant frisbee which, as I am a lunatic I think is very tasty and so I have taken to the occasional chew of it's rubbery goodness.

"Bread." I was trying really hard to keep the dry note out of my voice.

"And…?"

"Why is it any of your business?"

Bad Bella. Be _nice._

"Because my little girlie friend, I rule the roost around here and so, unless you had my permission to obtain those items, they are _mine_."

"Fuck off."

Yeah. Good job at being nice. Well he deserved it.

"Be nice."

Oh my god! He's a mind reading thug! I must get one of those!

"How about no?"

"Well these are my friends, and they can get very angry when people don't give us what we want. So maybe you should."

"Okay, I am going to say this very loudly and slowly so that you can get it through your thick skull. NOOOOO. Okay? Nein. Non. Joke. Na. Bobo. Eka. Nie. Iya. Nee. NO! For my old friend Eric's sake NO!"

Okay. Maybe that was a _bit _over the top.

He was angry now. Ha. Like he wasn't angry before?!

"Okay, _Girlie _I am going to count down from three, and before I get to zero you are going to hand over everything you have, before I set the boys on you."

I cocked an eyebrow at him.

_Please_ be bluffing.

"3…

2…

1…"

Oh god…

"Well, you brought it on yourself."

He turned and walked off.

The two men behind him slowly advanced.

Damn my stupid leg in a cast!

"Don't run away girlie."

God. Maybe I should of just given him the bread?

No way was anyone getting my donut.

To prove this point I stuffed the entire thing in my mouth as fast as possible.

"Bitch!"

That was the shorter one, who had a stubbly chin and looked kinda gross. I bet he has _real_ bad dandruff.

I couldn't help it, I laughed.

Craaaap.

"Think it's funny do ya? Well… you won't be… er… laughing!"

That was the taller one. No offence but he really looked like the kinda person who didn't really have a brain.

I couldn't help it. These two were hilarious.

"Want some bread?"

They looked shocked.

The taller, dumb one said.

"erm… Hank?!"

Aha! The short one is called Hank.

"Too late now girlie."

"But Hank!" He was whining. Wow.

"I don't feel like beating anyone up! I just want some bread!"

"Shut up Ray!"

"C'mon Hank, Ray wants some, I can tell you want some, and this way you'll get more than if you give it to your boss."

Hank seemed to think this over.

About a minute later he stuck out his hand. God, do thugs have slow thought process or what?

I handed him the bread, I was full now anyway.

Ray broke into a grin and pulled Hank away while saying something along the lines of 'Bread, Bready, Bread, Bread, Yummedy, Yum, Yum.' I'm so happy he's happy. _Really._

They walked off hand in hand. No really they did.

I sighed. Honestly, these homeless people, you never know what they're going to do.

After a few minutes I followed them, I mean I don't have anything left to steal. I suppose I could offer them my cast. That would go well – 'Hello would any of you like to cut off my cast and then sell it to some odd person on the black-market? No? Are you sure? If you want you can cut my fingers off? There's no need to run away!'.

Sure enough they had simply walked the few feet to the shelter and were now down an alley hiding with their 'bready bread'.

I sat down on the steps and looked at the people surrounding me. At a glance I would say there was at least 20 people there. The closest to me was a mother and her daughter, both grimy from god knows what, and they were simply sitting there. It was a little scary to watch a child of around 7 years old just _sit_ there. She wasn't even fidgeting.

A man of around 60 with the classic stubbly beard was staring at me. He had a blanket. _Damn._ Where do I get one?

After a while they started to just ignore me, moving on to look at something more interesting, like the sky.

Hey! Don't dis, the sky can totally rock. I swear I saw a cloud once shaped like a dragon chasing a weird wraith that flew towards the dragon, severed it's head and the disappeared. The dragon then slowly sort of disappeared as well.

I don't know how long I sat there waiting for some sort of interesting cloud to appear in the sky, but it felt like an age before, finally, some random person appeared and opened. He looked around 40, with dark hair and small eyes which looked even worse because of his glasses. You could tell from the look on his face that this was something his wife had pushed him into, not something he'd like to be doing.

Probably wanted to be sitting at home watching the homeless people on the telly, where they couldn't touch him, and he couldn't _smell _them.

It turned out that there was also a side door, as while he was opening the doors, two volunteers had entered and sat behind desks, acting as sort of receptionists.

I took a deep breath.

Here's your chance, girlie.

_I'm going in._

**AN: I know it's not the best ending to a chapter, and it wasn't where I was going to finish it, but it was taking a while to write and I figured it wasn't fair to deny you guys some Bella action.**

**Hope you liked it, please review. Because I didn't really count this chapter as finished I will probably not be **_**too**_** long updating again.**

**Yay reviews! I also love the occasional mail *hint hint* Love u guys.**

**Frm **

**Your Squiggle Friend**


	9. Am I Really That Odd?

**AN: Thanks so much for all of the reviews****! I do luv them. This is Chapter 8. I know you know that… anyway…**

**I have decided tht my name is Your Squiggle Friend.**

**Because I count myself as a sort of unofficial friend and this story as my squiggles.**

**So, Read on!**

**Oh and btw I have never auditioned for one of these things, so if I get the times and stages and things wrong, DO NOT BLAME ME.**

 **Enjoy!**

**Am I really that odd?**

I walked forwards into the large room, and took in my surroundings. It was spacious, but looked kind of drab because the paint needed a touch up and really, these people should know that dark colours make a room look _smaller!_

I couldn't help but sigh at the cracking and peeling paint, I mean why? Why not a nice cream? Why did they have to paint it the darkest possible shade of green?

I suppose they didn't know that much then, because from the looks of the paint condition it could've been a good hundred or so years ago.

I was pulled out of my thoughts with a shove from behind as the leader of the weirdo gang pushed through.

Owwwww. How annoying can some people get? Honestly. From now on I shall call him… Lowga – standing for Leader Of The Wierdo Gang… A.

As soon as Lowga pushed through there was a sort of tide, as everyone else who was outside pushed their way through and from what I could see –which wasn't much because there were a hell of a lot more people out there than I thought- they were registering or something with the receptionist, before heading through into the room behind this one.

I was now at the end of the queue, which was frustrating, especially because the randomer in front of me was an old dude with a lot of facial hair and a personal hygiene problem.

I knew it would be a long time before I reached the head of the queue, so I set my mind to thinking of the best fake name I could use.

Okay, so I need a name similar to my real one so I can still have people call me Bella…

It also needs to be believable…

Okay, so I'll change my first name to Isabel instead of Isabella. Then what?

Last name… Last name…

Ssssss… Something beginning with s.

Snider.

Not a nice name but a believable one.

Looking up I realised that I had, in fact, managed to spend the entire wait of the queue deciding my name. Clever me.

So, random personal hygiene dude finished doing whatever it is we have to do, and it was my turn to face the guns.

If I ran away now would I seem weird?

I took a deep breath. You can do this, me. It is _not _that difficult.

The receptionist broke my internal voices conversation with a simple 'hello'.

This brought my attention to her, and I realised that in actual fact she was only a year or two older than me at most.

She looked surprised to see someone so young coming here, but if she was, she got over it.

Am I really _that _odd? Quit staring woman!

"Hello, your name is?"

Oh… I just wasn't volunteering information. The old 'Is that person retarded' mental questioning to yourself stare.

Guess I'd better tell her then…

My room was small. Very small. Littered with random and meaningless objects. To me at least.

I wasn't that bothered about the lack of space, I mean I didn't have the largest place before did I?

I was sharing it with five other people, or at least that's what the six beds in the room suggested, but you never know when a place like this is too overcrowded.

I flopped down on the one bed that seemed un-occupied.

This was going to be a long stay.

The following Monday, it was time for me to return to my personal hell.

School.

People at the 'home' didn't really notice, and Lowga had taken a liking to simply ignoring me, so there wasn't anything holding me back.

Kinda made me wish there was.

Walking into first period Art, I made my way over to my usual seat, at the back where no-one would notice me.

Around five minutes into the lesson, Jessica and Lauren walked in. From the looks on their faces, I could guess that they also got through… I can't help but think that maybe the judges were feeling delusional at the time.

I simply waited for them to come over and resume their normal and daily torture.

I couldn't just watch them, so I looked down at the piece of paper before me. The teacher had instructed us to 'draw how you feel'. I couldn't help but think that _that _was a load of crap. I was seriously considering drawing the teacher's head on a stick. But then, I didn't like drawing stuff like that. Which was a shame, 'cause it would've been fun.

I doodled randomly on the page, trying to waste the time away, looking up at the clock every thirty seconds.

After about a minute and a half, I got tired of it. I had to draw something more captivating.

I searched my mind. What was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen?

Weirdly, the first thing that sprung to mind was Edward Cullen. As soon as the thought popped into my head I pushed it out. How… _absurd _that I would think of someone I had only met recently, and who was really just an acquaintance. I managed to shrug it off as a misdirection of thought.

I remembered the day when I was around five. Mom and I were on a day out, she hadn't met Phil and was still 'mom' then, not 'Reneé'

Mom had taken the day off, to have a 'special day' with me. She asked me where I wanted to go, and I had replied 'everywhere'. Of course, she hadn't taken me everywhere, but she had decided to take me to a nature park of sorts, so that I could 'experience wildlife' as she put it.

We ended up just sort of, rambling along, even then Reneé wasn't very level-headed, and I had a much better sense of direction than her.

Eventually we lost the track, and we were just trying to get back; it was going to be dark soon, and mom had work.

Both of us decided on a direction to follow until we came out of the forested area, when mom decided to look at a random butterfly. I was annoyed but unwilling to leave her. I knew that we had to leave soon and so did she, but she seemed unwilling to accept it.

After five minutes of her crooning over a bloody butterfly, I couldn't take it.

I walked off.

Just enough to be out of sight, so that she would realise she was taking too long and come and find me.

But out of sight turned out to be further than I thought, and when after a few minutes she still hadn't appeared, I turned and tried to find her.

No matter how hard I looked, I couldn't find my mother, and as I was only five I was getting more than a little upset.

Eventually, I just started blindly running through the woods, occasionally tripping

Suddenly, I had this weird feeling, and I knew that no matter what, I had to stay quiet.

I was on the edge of a clearing, and inside it their was a brilliant white deer. It was odd to me, because I'd always thought you could only get brown deer, but the sight in front of me was proof that they existed. I stared at it for a good few minutes, just marvelling at it's beauty.

Less than four minutes later, I saw the deer's head shoot up, and it's eyes widened.

I could see the fear reflecting from deep inside them, and I was afraid too.

There was a second of silence. And then the deer relaxed.

I looked around to see why it had, when a fawn emerged from the bushes. It was small, and seemed like it had only recently come into the world.

The white deer simply turned away and ignored it. This confused me.

I was five – I assumed that all deer looked after all 'baby deer' as I called them.

I moved closer, to try and get a better look at the fawn, but the minute my foot moved the white deer looked right at me, before cantering off.

The fawn however stayed. It looked at me, and I could tell, even then that it had been rejected somehow.

That, right there was the most beautiful thing I ever saw.

I ended up simply sitting with the fawn for a few hours. It was too weak to run away from me, and once I was close it simply appreciated the warmth.

I was found later on, by some rangers and they took both me and the fawn back with them.

After my mother and I were re-united they promised to look after the fawn well, and we simply went back home.

I never told my mother exactly what I did that day, and I doubt I ever will.

The whole while I had been reliving my story I had been drawing the fawn, and looking up, I realised there were only a few minutes before the end of class; Jessica and Lauren seemed to have forgotten I existed.

I smiled. This was going to be good.

When I got back to the 'home' I watched TV with the other residents. Apparently, the TV was only here because some bloke named Jim thought it was deprivation not to have one.

No-one seemed to mind me being there, and later on, one of them even offered to help me with my homework.

It was quite surreal.

I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling. I knew that time would fly by, and that I would both love and hate it.

I sighed once, before rolling over and trying to force myself into un-consciousness.

I stayed in that 'home' for a long time.

Longer than I would've appreciated.

It was January when I auditioned.

It is now April.

3 months!

It is a complete miracle I have not had some sort of mental breakdown. What's weird is that in all that time Jessica and Lauren sort of, forgot about me. Which I don't really mind, I mean if they have finally realised the true power of my death glare then ha! And if I happen to have actually become invisible then, well, at least I get an upside.

In fact, no-one at school noticed anything different at all. Not even that I was in a cast. How bloody un-observant can people get? I was in the lift for god's sake!!!

Apparently someone has peed themselves in that lift so my confinement to it was not a pleasant time in my life.

Moving on from previous urination in the lift, it is April. I know I mentioned that already but it's true, it is April. April the 9th.

Lowga and his gang have basically avoided me. I think Stan (the random old dude with hygiene issues) had a 'talk' with him. I like Stan, even if he does smell sometimes (well most of the time. Okay _all_). He watches TV with me and complains about things like the next door neighbors cat. Which is odd, since they don't have a cat.

I am officially healed. Utterly and completely. I _will _have to go back though. Soon probably.

Suddenly my head hurt like hell. It felt like someone was poking very _very_ tiny knives into my brain, underneath my skull.

My hand flew up to my skull, and all awareness of everything around me was gone.

And then, just like that, it stopped.

Except now I had this irritating feeling, in the exact same place. Only it was more like an unfulfilled itch.

I rubbed my forehead hard.

No difference.

Damn it. Stupid brain!

I clenched my eyes shut, in an effort to rid myself of the annoying feeling.

_I couldn't see._

_I couldn't hear._

_But I could feel._

_I gasped, as my head was pounded over and over, into the large wooden table in our living room, which has been used for god knows what._

_I felt my hearing slowly returning, as the time gap in-between thumps lengthened._

"… _and if you __**ever**__ do that again, I won't stop. Got it?"_

_Pfft. Phil. How could it not be him?_

_**(AN: For those of you who think you made up the word Pfft, IT WAS MINE FIRST!)**_

_I nodded weakly, I mean I couldn't say, 'Nope, haven't got that. You see while you were banging my head in I found it a little difficult to concentrate on __**exactly **__what you were saying.'_

I felt myself returning to my own body.

These flashbacks had been happening more and more recently, it wasn't like they had been set off by anything. I think it's more the fact that I had stopped myself from accepting what was going on, and so only now was my brain accepting the memories.

Stupid me, why didn't I accept what was happening and be less annoying to my future self?!

I sighed.

Might as well go inside now.

I got up and looked around. Not many people were outside, I was on the patio of the 'home', but I wasn't staying. I have repeated that to myself _so _many times in the past three months, but this time, I _am_ leaving.

Walking into the main hall, I looked up at the clock; it read 7.45pm. Good a time as any. Well, okay, say… 5 would've been better, but what can you do?

I climbed the stairs to my shared room with much more ease than I had the first time, but when I reached it, the room itself still looked just as unappealing.

There were six single beds crammed into a small room. One of them was mine.

The sheer size of it annoyed me so much I almost wanted to hit something. And then I didn't. Huh. Weird.

As quickly as possible I gathered all of my belonging, which really wasn't much anyways.

What was really odd about the people at school, was that, as far as I could gather, my audition was on the television. I think it was on the day before yesterday actually.

I wouldn't have been so bothered about the rooming in the 'home', but with so little space, people kept noticing my scars and, being as annoying as they were, they kept asking me about it!

I looked down at my meager belongings and sighed.

Well, what can you do?

I walked all the way down the staircase, across the hall and stopped right next to the front doors.

I looked up the clock, and for some reason, the gold colour of the hands reminded me of Edward.

I remembered how he had glared at me, and for some bizarre reason that made me feel sad. I wonder why? Lot's of people glare at me.

Maybe I'm a glare magnet.

That doesn't explain why I care so much that Edward glared at me though…

I wonder if his family got through? They all seemed so graceful, I bet they did. If I got through, they definitely did.

Thinking about it, wasn't I supposed to get some sort of letter telling me where to go to find out about the semi's?

-address-

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.

I walked over to the nearest wall and started banging my head against it "stupid,-" bang "stupid,-" bang "stupid,-"bang.

"Ugh!" I groaned. I lent my forehead against the brick. Think Bella!

Wait, brick? Huh I must've gone outside.

Well, I should probably just get it over with eh? I have to go back now.

It's a long walk home, I better leave now if I want to get there. Well, if I need to get there.

I had been walking for god knows how long, and my feet ache! I am officially going to sit down on the pavement.

I looked up and froze in shock. The Cullens were right in front of me.

After a second I realised that, in reality, I happened to sit down in front of a Television shop, and that it was their audition. They were _really _good.

I managed to pull my eyes away from the screen. If they wanted to show me their performance, they could, but at the moment it could be considered cheating. By me anyway.

Time to go. Stupid walking.

Yawning loudly I stretched with a sigh, and continued to walk at a slow pace down the street.

Looking at the sky, I could tell it was almost dawn. I still wasn't sure exactly how I'd explain the fact that I'd been missing the past three months. Memory loss? Or he'd just passed out for a really long time? I don't know.

Oh look, that's my house. It's so weird thinking that after so long in the 'home'.

Wait, did I say house? I mean big ugly block of flats in which I live. Or lived. But anyway, I'm going back now so…

Since it was still early, I had no trouble with traffic, although personally, I wouldn't have minded _too_ much if I was hit by a car. That way they'd have to bring me my mail. Mwahahaha.

I climbed the endless flights of stairs to our apartment before stopping outside our door. This is it Bella, take a deep breath, 'cause your gonna need it.

I reached slowly for the door handle, forgetting that I needed to use a key to open it in the first place.

But before I could even try to open the door, it was opened for me.

I looked into the eyes of the person in front of me.

"Erm… Hi?"

**I know, compared to the others this chapter is really short **_**and **_**it's been majorly AGES since I last updated.**

**It's not a proper excuse if you ask me, but I had major writers block. BUT I worked out what the problem was and fixed it, so now I can write again, I still wasn't writing very fast though, so I gave you a chapter cut in two if you will.**

**I love love love LOVE reviews! And if you have a question that's GREAT because then I can put it on my profile!**

**I have had WAY more ideas for this and I even know what song Bella is going to sing!**

**Love you guys (In the good way)**

**Frm**

**Your squiggle friend**


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